Today, for the first time in all my almost 30 years...I loaded the ice...
...firmly held down the, umm, poker, thingy...
...and cranked the hell out of the, um, cranker doodah.
And shit was no easy Peanuts my friends, but trust, Wise is living proof that it is never too late to fulfill your dreams.
And today I was indoctrinated into the world of an American iconoclast...
I FINALLY fcuked with a Snoopy Snow Cone machine!
What in the hell IS that thing?!
Once again, my parents were soooo on the money.
When I was little, I was led to believe that among other heartless limitations, little Jamaican kids don't play with toys...cuz I didn't have none. For birthdays, I got socks. For Christmas, I got draws. And every week we hauled azz to Joann Fabric and every week my mom made me a fly azz dress for church on her Singer.
Not only were sleepovers mostly disallowed unless under extreme circumstances (namely, the case of relatives, or if my mom knew the other kid's mom somehow. I'll never forget that I was one of the only kids not at SC's sleepover in 4th grade, when they watched Top Gun. To this day I've never seen that shit. I'm a grudge-holding hater, yes.)
Wow, that digression was mildly painful.
Anywho...me and my brothers? We didn't get Nintendo until all after the fact. I'm fairly certain Atari skipped over us completely. Ok, we did have Monopoly and Sorry, but we always lost the pieces or the dice after like half a day. And whatever, all I ever really wanted was Operation, anyway!
Cabbage Patch Kids. Forget it.
Barbie spent most of her short bid at our house headless.
And in 2nd grade when I BEGGED for a jheri curl, a wet and wild one like Kiwanda and Juma and dem's, my mother didn't even bother to laugh. I doubt she even dignified my request with any response...except perhaps an all-day Saturday trip to the shop for a press and curl.
Easy Bake Oven...are you effing crazy? "Den we nuh already hah oven???" [translation: we're still paying shit azz Sears for the oven we got!]
We weren't even that broke! At least I don't think we were. I mean, we aint have no snow blower or dish washer or riding lawn more or nothing (I'm pretty sure that's why they had my brothers). But I never saw food stamps until, well, until I was old enough to trick the system into giving me some...
we ain't wear no hand me downs or nothing (until a freak of nature reverse growth spurt found my older brother and I wearing almost the same shoe size. I was so fly in his old Jordans)...
and we brought our lunch to school, we aint get no free breakfast or reduced lunch like the broke kids. [Hold up, that's what Oprah said broke folks need to do, pack lunch. Shit yall, I think we mighta been broke!]
Well for whatever reason, my parents just were not feeling investing in American nonsense. I resented it and them, and had a list of shit that I vowed I'd buy as an adult.
But I gotta tell you, I think they were on to something when they vetoed the snow cone negotiation.
First of all...why did it feel like I was doing reps on the arm lift machine at Lucille Roberts, and not even on the cranker thing, but just on trying to hold down the damn Snoopy face red crusher thing?
And you do all of this for Snoopy to vomit out a spit's worth of slush?? That's it?? This is what I spent hours in my room crying crocodile tears over?? [that last line was not in the original text...but I like it] It so was not even worth the Bacardi Razz I had planned to pour in.
Ok, whatever...I still poured it in and it was good, but Bacardi's good with REGULAR ice...and doesnt require upperbody strength.
This is not what I dreamed of. Lord knows I've spent enough of my adulthood chasing these "when I get old enough" fantasies, but this one should have perhaps just stayed in the annals of my childhood agony.
In all of their anti-American, self-superior, unrelenting West Indianness...my parents were so right.
I was fine without the Snoopy Blow Cone machine. And I'm just fine with just my Bacardi.
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23 comments:
i wanted one of those so bad when i was little. i didn't have a cabbage patch either. i had something like it though. this neighborhood lady made dolls similar to them. they came with an adoption certificate and everything.
while my parents indulged me, they didn't let me have my way with everything. my daddy cooked breakfast everyday and i hated it....sweet potato patty, hash brown and a sausage. we had two kinds of cereal...raisin brand and corn flakes. we didn't have junk in our house. i see i do the same thing myself. maybe it wasn't too bad after all.
Did you buy that thing?
I am a fellow West Indian and I co-sign on a lot of this.
I was NEVER allowed to go to sleepovers. My mother's famous line was "Why deh cah come heah?"
And I too was obsessed with Operation and I loved Perfection...
You missed out not having Atari!! I loved Monopoly and Operation too! I remember we would play board games in my house for hours at a time.
When's your B-day anyway?
Aqua...Oh pls, cereal?? Cap'n Crunch, Frosted Flakes, Life and Cheerios. That's it. And I might be able to sneak in a Lucky Charms every now and then. But none of those Snickers snack packs or no mess like that. And you're right, I'm that way today with my own groceries. Go figure. :)
Rev...Hell no I didnt buy it. A friend's kid has one. I'm rarely THAT nostalgic. lol
1969...My brother told me my nephew who is 8 wants to spend the night at some friend's house, and my brother was gonna let him. I was appalled! "Tan ah yuh own yard!" is all I could remember hearing as a kid and now I completely co-sign!!!
Eps...Thanks for reminding me of how miserable I was as a kid without Centipede and Pac Man and shit. I used to go down the street to Mimi's crib to get my fix. :)
Rev...My bday's in March. What you getting me? ;)
ooooo.
I missed it. Sort of.
depending how you look at it.
and i always look at things just a little differently...
I had everything when I was growing up. My uncle in New York actually sent me black cabage patch kids. Twins. I was the first of all my friends to have a black cabage patch kid.
Your parents were smart for not buying all the crap. Now you aren't spoiled. Lol.
girl, throw some rum off in that machine and let me know how it comes out.
Next stop..makin weed brownies in an Easy Bake oven.
*gasp* I can't believe you Wise!!
So I'm reading, reading; scrolling down and what do I see!?!? The Snoopy Sno Cone Slushy thingamajiggy!!!! OMG!!! THROWWWWWWWWBAAAACCCCCCCK!!!!
Yo, it must be a foreign thing cause I am STILL bitter that the first time I got to "sleep over" anywhere was college. Yeah. I HATED going to birthday parties and having to leave at 10pm =( WTF? Why bother? No e-z bake ovens over here...I did have a Cabbage Patch though...get at a pawn shop or flea market. My lil bro got a Nintendo for $30 and games for $5. Talk about Old School...!
My favorite all time toy was those freakin' Rock 'em - Sock 'em Robots. I'm sorry you didn't get more toys and stuff. You're never to old to regress to a second childhood and buy the shit you were denied.
KZ
I'm holding a Halloween grude cause I couldn't trick or treat as well as movie grudges cause of all the times I got sent to the store and then no one ever wanted to watch that movie again.
We did have Atari and Coleco-vision...funny of all the things I don't mess with I do have Xbox and PS2. It must be breeding.
Good idea liquor and tv...daiquiris for everyone!! SoWise, where did you get this snoopy sno cone machine again??
lmao! you're a nutty one. never had that. i had to fight tooth and nail to go to sleepovers. now that we see your eye and a strand of hair. we saw your teeth. are you going to show your nose at one point?
"For birthdays, I got socks. For Christmas, I got draws. And every week we hauled azz to Joann Fabric and every week my mom made me a fly azz dress for church on her Singer."
I like your mother. My boss at LoCo's radio station was preaching to me about "materialism" today and its corrupting forces. I feel bad for all my indulgences cause my boss's kids can't even watch TV. No he's like real hardcore, mind you he works in media. Back to your peeps socks and draws are practical. I mean them dresses probably were classier than the alternatives.
"Easy Bake Oven...are you effing crazy? "Den we nuh already hah oven???" [translation: we're still paying shit azz Sears for the oven we got!]"
I found myself yelling yes mama, but my sister had an easy bake.
Man you got me asking my mother if I went to sleepovers and what toys I had? You know I have problems remembering the early 90's. Lawd so imagine in like five years, I'll have to call people up to ask these things.
Oh my moms counted 4 but 2 with the same people. I have slept over 2 friend's houses since I've been grown LoL. Yea my mother was like "I couldn't see you over anybody's house."
We got plenty of those computers with the cards.
But every toy was accompanied by a book.
Ummm, upon further review...why the hell didn't someone tell me the last entry got cut off? I rarely ever read the posts after I release them out into the world...and I only caught it by chance...I took a deep breath instead of spazzing, bec of course I recall whatever the hell I wrote as being sheer brilliance. Well I did my best to recreate it. :(
Rev...Naw you didn't miss it...what you gonna get me? ;)
Miz JJ...Nope, not spoiled...just a resentful, deprived adult. lol
Liqs & TV...The part about the Bacardi got cut off in the original posting...but chile plz, that was the entire inspiration behind my fulfilling this particular childhood dream. Dont sleep. lol And I do believe that if I smoked weed that'd be impetus enough for me to pursue my Easy Bake fantasy. But if I smoked weed, would I be satisfied with just the one lil easy bake azz brownie??
Stacie...Yup a foreign thing for sure. Me and my best friend from college whose fam is from Romania bonded over that shit like the entire first week of college.
Luckily there was a loophole in the sleepover clause...my mom used to go on our out of town class trips, so she got real cool with a lot of my friends' moms. So by like 5th grade I was in the loop somewhat. When I have kids, hell no sleeping over. And I'm still not a 'at other people's crib all the time' chick...but I love sleepovers..'specially when there's spooning or head involved. lol
KZ...Oh trust, as soon as I got the chance I did all the things I couldnt as a kid...
-stopped eating white rice, pork, Kool Aid
-drank BEFORE I finished my meal
-ate out at restaurants other than McDonalds (eat out... Whats that? My dad was a (West Indian) chef)
-played the tv and radio at the same time!
I could go on and on. lol
Hey Amadeo...that you in the pic? You look like a dude I went to school with. Anywho, funny, we couldn't (and frankly never wanted to) eat at other people's house, but my parents saw nothing wrong with us going door to door in the dead of night and beg for candy! lol
Release the grudge, bruh...you'll shit better. :)
LS...Now you KNOW that was my true objective, a cool summer drink. lol
Jameil...I was thinking an ashy knee make be a good look. Wish I could say the change in pic was all calculated and cute, but in truth I think I mistakenly deleted the smile pic as a result of trying to free up some disk space on my computer. So the eye was the only other available option. But it's only in the interim until my knee is ready for the close up. ;)
CNelly...For the love of sweet Mary Mother of God, my parents may as well have just shot me in the effing head rather than not let me watch TV. That's all I had!! People who dont let their kids watch TV just weird me out. That's child abuse plain and simple. If for no other reason than to shut them up for the 23 minutes that Teletubbies is on, grab the remote!
sleep overs? whats that?
Unless my mom was real cool with the mom it did NOT happen.
To this day, I'm really not that cool with sleep overs, not even the grown up kind. Something about being in my own bed, ALONE, that just makes sleep better.
lmao!! go head girl w/yo ashy ass knee!
Jamiel: it the back of the knee thats special.....
baby, step into confessional and tell the good reverend what you relly want :)
this post made me giggle uncontrollably. i was sitting there envisioning you trying to crank that damn thing for just a peek at the vomit. lawd...LOL
yeah, your parents were definitely on to something. i doubt you'd be half of the wonderful spirit you are if you'd been given everything you wanted as a child.
at least, that's what i tell myself when i think back to how i felt when i was denied the atari and colecovision and nintendo and cabbage patch kids...
I had a Snoopy cone maker...it was the best, til I ran out of syrup...No Cabbage Patch Kids for the kid..I did have a Strawberry Shortcake though...I also had an Easy Bake Oven, which wasn't no more use when I ran out of baking ingredients....I did want some Air Jordans for Christmas, but kids were killing kids over them, so I had the payless knock offs...which I wore once to school and they roasted me so bad, I never wore them again...
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