Penis = Pay

Had an interesting chat this weekend...

Stevie: “I actually sat down the other day and did some math…and I discovered that with the money I spent on first dates alone in the past year, I could have put a deck on my house.”

Wise: “Damn, B. For real, a deck? That’s the American dream. And you have neither dream nor weatherproof azz to show for it.”

Stevie is a client of mine. He’s a guy of few words, so if he ever picks up the phone and calls me, I know it’s about some business we couldn’t easily handle via email. But we spend countless hours on the phone talking about dating. He’s a straight guy in ATL…which I always thought meant a daily Lotto jackpot. But, alas, he's at his wit’s end with dating, and finds many ways to express his frustration.

Stevie: "I kid you not, Wise. A deck."

But whose fault is that?

Why are you boys breaking the bank on chicks you don’t know?

And why is it taking you 2 and 3 dates to figure out that she’s just not feeling you?

YES, you cheap bastard...men should pay. Why?

Answer: Because you asked her out.
Answer: Because you’re taking her out with the expressed intent to hit it.
Answer: Because you’re the man.

You ARE the man, right?

Take it or leave it, it’s called chivalry, it’s not dead, and no matter how independent women are these days [read: how independent they NEED TO BE], this is one of the rules of dating that should not be compromised. For several reasons…

1. Forget examining on an individual basis, I don’t care what she does for a living, and I don’t really care who asked who out….you’re there to get her to sleep with you. She’s there for the free meal and to gauge the probability of sleeping with you. You pay for the meal; she pays for the decision.

2. The moment the check comes is a commonly awkward one…so why not man up and take care of it and make the transition smoother? Boom, you meet a woman, you take her out…if for no other reason than that you don’t wanna hear her fcuking mouth later on, pay for the damn date. Shit, is that so difficult??

3. It sets the tone early. Dudes are scared that by always paying she will think you’re Mr. Money Bags. No, no. What it says is that you have established yourself as someone who is thoughtful, dependable, and reasonable (attributes that all translate well sexually). It says, this is A MAN.

And please save that sorry azz: “Do you want me to pay for that?”

It doesn’t work. You think you’re showing that you have good intentions, but what it’s really showing is your passive-aggressive way of having us ask you to pay for it. Bitch move.

Splitting the bill is actually very fair, but again, beware of the message it is sending the woman whose draws you’re imagining from across the table.

Personally, I always grab the bill to pay. Not split, but pay. And for sure if I do the asking out. Why? Because it’s slightly emasculating and I want to see how the guy will handle that.

And because I can.
[Chicks who go on dates without a dime to their name are obviously just there for the wings. Don’t get it twisted.]

But the question remains…Why are you blowing your deck money on a complete stranger in the first place?

Would you spend dough you don’t have on an expensive electronic or even a discount CD or book without first reading the back or the instructions of the specifications?

How stupid would you feel if you got home and realized that software doesn’t work with your Windows XP?

So why then take a woman out to a restaurant or two, wasting not only your time, but your hard earned, without first knowing what you’re in for? Shouldn’t you know by then if she’s into you?

Instead of bitching and moaning and giving reasons why the woman should sometimes pay, or why you should split, consider an alternative…and I know it s a radical one…

When getting to know someone, spend some time talking on the phone first. Better yet, shoot them an email or two. Get to know if this is someone you would even want to spend an hour or two with.

So many of my dudes, like Stevie, tell me about bad dates where the convo was lame, or she didn’t get his sense of humor, or they just had nothing to talk about. But that’s what the phone is for. Call her up. Tell a joke or two. Is she responding?? Did you get a dial tone?

This will save you at the very least the cost of supplies, if not labor.

And even more radical, and I’ll leave you with this…why not ditch the dinner and movie, and get to know her over coffee or drinks? It’s cheap, it’s casual, and if it sucks, it’s not hard to break out, cut your losses and go grab a brew and plot your next move toward your American dream.