Thursday, December 29, 2005

Genesis...Understanding Women...Not Gonna Happen...Unless...

This is a Public Service Announcement…or maybe just an announcement of my new public service. Ahem, well, since it IS the holidays (thank GOD it’s almost over), I’ve decided that my blog will be a gift to young men everywhere…no not that kind of gift…(and what a GIFT it is!)

OK it’s much more self-serving than that actually. You see, I am a writer so this has been a long time coming. But truth is, I am in my late-20s, and after hitting corporate America hard since 2 weeks after college graduation, I am soon heading back to the books to tackle my Masters.

As excited as I am about being reacquainted with the collegiate bursar nazis, it just occurred to me that I will once again be placed into a population of horny, young, impressionable boys. College boys. I didn’t take too kindly to it the first time around (undergrad was SO wack), so imagine my enthusiasm as a grown ass woman. I’m dripping…really. [note: this blog will be terribly sarcastic]

What is it about young guys that unsettles me? They’re dumb, for starters. No offense, fellas, lots of the girls are just as clueless…but in the past few years I have come to know quite a many younger guy who is at his wits end trying to “figure out women.” The notion alone is so laughable, that it has actually become nauseating. The whining…

My credentials: Really, just being a fairly astute, mature, sensible woman, who has encountered relationships of ALL types…who seems not to be so baffled of the whole gender thing. It’s not brain science, boys. I swear to G, it’s not.

What you’ll learn: Follow me on this journey and I will explain to you the mysteries…

Why she won’t give you head
How to know if you’ll hit, and how soon
Why she’s so clingy
Why she didn’t call you back
What makes women think you’re gay
Why it seems all women love thugs
Why nice guys finish last
Why she ain’t messin’ with no broke, broke…
Why you are a plutonic pimp
How you can be broke and still attract women
How to interpret those ambiguous signals
Why you’re a drama magnet
Why you think you’re being sensitive, and she thinks you’re a little bitch
When to shut up
Why sistas who give you and your white girl the eye aren’t mad in the least
What older women REALLY want from your young ass
And of course, what you really want to know…What do women want! The answer is so simple…

But baby steps, young man. Shaken baby steps…because let’s face it, you don’t have a clue and we need to start at the very beginning (Doe, a deer…)[note: If you’re a heterosexual man and you got that reference, email me immediately. I will have a crush on you.]
Stay tuned boys…bec if all goes well, you will also become privy to comments from woman who will co-sign (or negate) my expertise. And by all means, hiht me with your personal dilemmas and I will help you navigate them…or at the very least find a funny way to tell you that.... SHE’S JUST NOT FEELING YOU!


Young Gunz said...

Hmmm....I'm holding my breath waiting on you to run down the list. Truth be told, I need some counsel Sis! Preach.

Anonymous said...

Yes, bring it. Even though my thing is to figure out me and work from my core which gives my life power and meaning, I think I'll appreciate what you have to share.

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work
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Anonymous said...

I didnt find thing that i need... :-(

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  • So...Wise??

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    Our Nation's (HIV) way of Harlem, NY and Upsteezy NY
    I'm older than I look, and stupider than you think. But I'm quite proud of my sharp eye for The Ridiculous, and by Ridiculous, of course I mean Me.