Monday, February 27, 2006

The Fellatio Fall Out

"If you don't go braggin, I might let you have it..."
~Beyonce (without 'Nem) "Check On It"


What’s more political than Capitol Hill, Sam Donaldson, and even a black fist raised high in the sky?

Head. Ya know...

Dome…

Brain…

Pablo…

A Professional…

Suckin off…

Slobbin the Knob…

The Lick Down…

Etc., etc. Lemme explain…

I have this friend, Duke. He liked me in high school, meanwhile I was in LOVE with his best friend. Well, besides going to an elite all boys school, Duke wasn’t particularly popular with the ladies at the time, and he felt that one way that he could distinguish himself from his peers was to learn to eat pussy. He confided this plan to me, and I thought it was genius. This was circa 1995 and within the confines of high school culture, so needless to say, NO dudes were going down there. [The other day a self-proclaimed muff diving enthusiast, who is currently trying to get at me, spoke of the irony of how he and his boys wrote a song back in the day called “No Not Down There.” Go figure.]

Duke asked me if I had had a guy go down on me yet. None had. Then he mounted a campaign to convince me to let him do it so that I could critique and give him tips on how to get nice with it. WTF? I wasn’t attracted to Duke in the least. And the idea of letting a guy down there that I didn’t even find cute seemed so absurd.

Alas...I soon agreed…after weeks of aggressive persuasion.

I figured, why the hell not. But really, it was only after we negotiated a strict set of regulations:

#1 – He had one shot. That’s it. No redos.
#2 – No kissing…in the mouth.
#3 – We swore to God that we would not tell anyone. We would take it to the grave.
This one was key for me, because as I said, I WAS IN LOVE with his best friend, and was childhood sweethearts with another of his classmates. I couldn’t risk having him blab to either of them about what happened, or to anyone else for that matter….because left to his own devices, who knows how that story might evolve? “Yeah, I had Wise roast duck style, son!” [Shouts to Slish Nasty for the terminology]


So we plan out the day, and I meet Duke in the park near my house. At the tennis courts? You know how there are some details of your past that you’d rather forget… and I believe I have only retained selective memories on this one…because the place where I remember us meeting… near the public tennis courts… is actually a very highly populated area. So that can’t be right.

Anywho, we crawl into the back seat of his Taurus. The car quickly assumes the aroma of the blueberry Body Shop lotion that I slathered all over me in preparation of this moment. We laugh uncontrollably...nervously, before getting down to business.

Duke’s eyes dangle from their sockets as I awkwardly pull down my best panties. I decline going "all the way," never pulling them over my sneakers and slinging them onto the dusty car floor mat.

He had been studying. What, I don’t know, but he approaches the coochie like a frog he was ready to dissect. [Note to self: Never again will I liken my girl to an amphibian, even if she is mad versatile in and out of water. lol]

So he’s poking and prodding, and I’m straining, lifting my head in a half-azzed crunch…ya know like when you get real lazy with the sit ups... I’m trying to see what the hell he is doing, but REALLY just trying to gauge his reaction to my stuff. Is it tasty? How does it smell? Is it cute? This was a first for me too, shit.

This muhfuckah swishes around a few times, his eyes closed, all intense and trying. He KNEW he was doing something…and I’m lying back like, IS HE?

So within a minute or so he’s established a pattern of alternating sucks and licks and finger swirls. Thinking back, and knowing what I know now, he might have been onto something if only he were really committed. But I think that he was self-conscious…what with me just sitting there silently, and all. I don’t think he banked on that part of it. His research probably assured him I’d be bucking and calling Jehovah by now. No dice.

Then he wants to switch it up.

“Sit on my face.”

That’s where I had to draw the line. I bust out laughing and try to sit up, but he starts pleading for me to let him finish strong. I suppress my girly giggles and lay back and watch the leaves sway in the wind outside. It just feels like there's a tongue and finger on my girl…there's really no pleasure in it for me. I'm so ready to call it a day and head over to the tennis courts to see who's out…[and potentially a witness to this madness.]

“You came,” he informs me.

“Huh?” I answer, startled by the sudden break in silence.

So I get a little wet. Sue me. But hear him tell it, I'm a fountain sprouting sheer satisfaction. I was new but not THAT damn new.

I still believe to this day that Duke hasn’t blabbed our secret. [FYI – telling y’all don’t count] Our hometown ain’t but that big, so it would have gotten back to me within moments of him telling…and this was before cell phones and IM. Most of us didn’t even have email accounts yet back in '95.

But can you imagine if he had told? Can you imagine how that would have ruined me? Ruined my trust in guys? Ruined my chances with the respectable guys I liked? Ruined my anonymity with the dudes on the prowl for freaks. I would have been the star of the freak crew! I couldn’t have that…

So understand fellas, why I would not have DREAMED of reciprocating with this guy. Granted, he and I were not on it like that…but even my friends who had steadies in high school were not going down on no damn boys. That honor was left to the suburban white girls. The girls who didn’t care if they had a ho rep in the city because they didn’t live in the city. The girls who didn’t see anything wrong with that rep because they craved that ho attention.

And trust, my brothers and my guy friends had PLENTY of stories floating about THOSE girls. They would talk for hours about how much game it took to convince her to do it. Or how she wanted to do it. Or how long it took for him to get his. How she swallowed. Or how he would forcefully jam his penis down her throat. Or involuntarily, yet unapologetically hit her in the head if her teeth got in the way. Or how she couldn’t see for a whole hour after he caught her square in the eye. Or how they would never call her again, but would definitely pass her on to the next guy.

Where I'm from, there was simply nothing worse than a Dick Sucker.

But most girls, present company included, grew up and defined our own sexuality on our own terms. We outgrew the stigmas and the confines of what we’d been told was too many partners, too few, and how far we should go and how soon. But for many girls like me, dick sucking remained the last bastion of sexual repression. Why?

Cuz dudes talk too fucking much.

And for some women, that stigma has not been forgotten. We can laugh about this now, yet somehow, it seems that guys do not mature proportionately. First off, in my circle, it wasn’t that long ago that my guy friends let go of their own stigmas about going down on women. So for a woman to go down when a guy ain’t thinking about it, is absurd.

But secondly, while women are growing up and not giving a fuck about what society says about women who do go down…they still end up getting screwed on the back end…so to speak…when word gets back to her or her friends of all of the “sordid” things she did to a guy. Things that brought her AND HIM pleasure. Things that she waited a long time to do without fear of blemishes to her character.

Things that you men go back and tell your boys in a way that vilifies her, instead of celebrating her. If a woman sucks your dick well, keep that shit to yourself. But more importantly reward her! Bring your ass down there and go head to head with her. “Face Off” as my boy Trevor says. Respect the fact that dick sucking is a political balancing act, waging pure sexuality and desire against public perceptions, repercussions and assumptions. Acknowledge that there is a certain powerlessness that a woman feels when she is scrutinized for her sexual expression. If a guy goes down he’s a hero, but if a chick does she’s nasty...even if you SAY she's sexy. Huh?

I’ve seen dudes defile women openly in forwarded emails, websites and on their blogs, blabbing casually using thinly veiled nicknames for women who have gone down on them. Are you kidding me? It’s one thing to recap a sexual tryst or two or three…but to tell her business for the sake of embarrassing her or perhaps propping up your own ego is the ultimate in Bitch Tactics. Shame on you.

Me personally, I’m not much of a dick sucker to begin with. I never had any inclination to do it because I was so programmed to believe that I would be labeled loose and powerless. When I became involved in a serious relationship with someone that I loved and trusted I became a Head Case. Couldn’t tell me I wasn’t nice with it.

Now that I’m unattached again, I’m too old for the casual sex thing, but definitely not above giving in to a guy with a hurricane tongue. Yet, I won’t front, I’m singing the “No Not Down There” song when he grabs his nuts in anticipation. Why? Because at my age dudes are dirty like that, who the hell knows where they’ve been! But more importantly, it’s all politics. I’m too old to be having my name circulating among the almost 30-yr old group of dudes who till make a sport of bedding women. The politics that would give a man a sense of power above me, despite the fact that I don’t give a fuck what anyone, society or otherwise has to say about what I do in the sack.

Head...

Dome…

Brain…

Pablo…

A Professional…

Suckin off…

Slobbin the Knob…

The Lick Down…


I wouldn’t give a ngga the satisfaction. Cuz y’all talk too damn much.

28 comments:

Mr.Slish said...

Now you know I had to be first... That was one loooong ass post...

Yo boy duke.I Like his style. Curiosity will get the panties to come tumbling down every time...lol..He would have gotten a a proper response if his lips and tongue massaged your clit at the same time. I give him a B for effort though

As for the Head Clinic. Men usually don't discuss it unless its a woman they could care less about.

So I agree with your Non Dick Sucking position. Find the right dude with the right size. Don't want you getting lock jaw. They don't have medication for that...lol

So...Wise...Sista said...

Slish...I must admit, you're becoming required reading for me. lol

Yeah that was the equivalent of a college all nighter. Loooong. And yeah, I understand it's the nobody chick that get the commentary. But that's just it. Why it gotta be all like that btwn two adults doing the same thing? Why does she have to get the big scarlet DS on her shirt like she's a dick sucking Laverne? I maintain that the game is all F'd up bec dudes talk too damn much!!!

Mrs A. said...

"is it cute"...lol...that was classic!!!!!!

jameil1922 said...

hahahaha!! don't they tho? just yappin. and they say girls gossip. they are off the chain when it comes to this. big ASS mouths. you had to have grown up in the south b/c that same mind set reigned supreme at home. it was only the white girls owning up to doin that.

Mr.Venom said...

I knew of a girl in high school who enjoyed lollipoppin'. How did I know? Because the grimy cat she did it to snitched on her. And yes she was white. It is my belief that it doesn't take those Britney Spears chicks much convincing.

Serial_Dater said...

Let me get this straight...You don't give head? WTF?

They still make models like you (lol).

Sistah give head and make the world a better place. ;o)

SunshineMama said...

Hmmm...eeeeh...oooh, I have lots to say about this one, I think. I thought I had my thoughts together but now I need a sec.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Cheerio...and I quote: "When I became involved in a serious relationship with someone that I loved and trusted I became a Head Case. Couldn’t tell me I wasn’t nice with it."

I AM a grown azz woman. And I'm nice wit mine.

HOWEVER...I'm unlikely to star in a Serial Dater blog opus. Dawg, you get more casual head than a durag!

Anonymous said...

This if funny. As I said in an earlier one of your posts, I really never talked about the encounters anyway and when there was discussion, it was mostly generalities never putting anyone on blast. I've lived by the code of Omerta since I was a child, not only with the fellas but with the ladies. Anyway, I've been there when I was young with the "conditional list" of how it will go down with no guarantee of reciprocity ONCE and never again. I have a healthy sexual appetite (ok hardcore freak potential) , and while that component is not the most important, it's part of it, for me and she. For women who either don't or are very apprehensive, their concerns are legit and respected by me. As one who studies holistic health, I KNOW how vital cleanliness internally and externally is for me and she so therefore it's not always as easy as 123 go. Nonetheless, I prefer to do with it than without it. (Giving and recieving). Axe'. Anonymous Detroit

Supa said...

I am HOLLERING throughout this entire post!!!!!!

you forgot "rappin' on the mic"

that's what my dude friends usta call it....

You are fucking hilarious.

So...Wise...Sista said...

So I'm watching a Nick Cannon video...and in the song with the cute BBD hook, there are 3 overt references to "rapping on the mic". lol@Supa. Skinny azz Nick "All Ribs" Cannon for Christ Sake! In heavy rotation, no less.

All I'm sayin is that perhaps if dudes leveled the playing field...didn't talk so damn much...in a way that defiles their women...that oral sex would be so on and poppin without consequence. There are plenty of girls who enjoy doing it, want to do it, but won't do it because dudes are so grimy about the whole thing. Messing up the game for everybody!

So...Wise...Sista said...

Miss A...esp at that age, you know you be wonderin'! It's all a mystery. lol

Love ya blog by the way.

Anonymous said...

When a woman finds a man who gives good oral, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won't even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he's got it made.

Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you've got the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it's beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs. Now stop and look at what you see. Beautiful, isn't it?

There is nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy. I know. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl's cunnie and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and others are fully bare. Appreciate your woman's unique qualities and tell her what makes her special. Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you're petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it. Now look at it again. Gently pull the lips apart and look at her inner lips, even lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like guys have different sized cocks. It doesn't mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.

Whenever you touch a woman's pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means, to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn't have any juices of its own and it's extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it's dry and that hurts.

But you don't want to touch her clit anyway. You have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused, her clit is too delicate to be handled. Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss it, and make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her pussy, and then float away. Make her anticipate it. Now lick the crease where her leg joins her pussy. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it to further excite her. After you've done this to the point where your girl is bucking up from her seat and she's straining to get more of you closer to her, and then put your lips right on top of her slit. Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you're about to eat must be done gently. Tongue-fuck her. This feels devine. It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out.

See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of its covering. If so, lick it. If you can't see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath. So bring your tongue up to the top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may barely experience its presence. But even if you can't feel the tiny pearl, you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and press into her skin. Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to shudder. When you sense she's getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an O and take the clit into your mouth. Start to suck gently and watch your lady's face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she digs it, suck even harder.

Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don't fight her. Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don't let go. That's what she'll be saying too: 'Don't stop. Don't ever stop!' There's a reason for that, most men stop too soon.

There's another thing you can do to intensify your woman's pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she's enjoying your clit-licking talents. Before, during or after. She'll really like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you rub up against when you're fucking her.

Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking. Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and therefore can't get deep enough. Make sure they're wet so you don't irritate her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing. She'll let you know what to do.

If you're sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you're giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she's getting high on this. If there's any doubt, check her out for symptoms.

Each woman is unique. You may have one who's nipples get hard when she's excited or only when she's having an orgasm. Your girl might flush red or begin to tremble. Get to know her symptoms and you'll be a more sensitive lover. When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven's sakes, don't let go of that clit. Hang in there for the duration. When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her pussy. If your fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are extremely sensitive just now.

If you play your cards right, you'll get some multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she's had an orgasm.

Do you realize the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was clocked at 56 orgasms at one sitting.

Do you know what effect you would have on a woman you gave 56 orgasms to? She'd be yours as long as you wanted her.

The last advice I have for you is this: After you've made her come, made her your slave by giving her the best head she's ever had, don't leave her alone just yet. Talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts. Keep making love to her quietly until she's come all the way down.

A man can get off and go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few moments after sex. Oral sex can be the most exciting sexual experiences you can have. But it's what you make it. Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your lover's signals, and most of all, enjoy yourself.

Anonymous said...

Does giving head make u not a virgin? Cause my friends and I were debating when I lost my virginity. Cause I had to go downtown for curiousity's sake!

Christopher aka CNEL said...

Ya'll remember how Tamala Jones would not give DL the pleasure in "The Brothers", I mean I don't think I'd be throwing parties with my tongue, but there needs to be reciprocity.

HaHa I still remember some of the stories from boarding school, granted it wasn't so long ago, but still. The brothers getting together that stuff was hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I know a trick which all men need to get, it gets em every time. Insert two fingers, the two next to the thumb, go somewhat deep, and then do the come hither motion.

DP said...

You are dead on. It has been about power and who has it and who doesnt. I think dudes feel cheated cause today's sista is far more empowered than ever before and just dont roll over for a dude.

Dudes long for the girls they daddies dealt with, when women still were inclined to remain in the house and let a man be a man (whateva the fugg that means)

All it seems a brotha got to keep women in check (so they think) is the scarlet DS. So they play the game. Dating the girls they wanna marry and fuggin and gettin sucked by the girls that arent worthy.

When women (especially black women, cause we already see sistas whooping brothas' ass on EVERY OTHER stage (education, earning power, home ownership, etc) allowing themselves to be typecast in that fashion and playin that foolish game, they will have pretty much tilted the balance and forced men's hand in ways white women could only dream of.

dont tell the brothas i said that though. They would steal my Y chromosome if they knew i told you that.

Bitches

SunshineMama said...

G'Damn SW! You got people talkin on this one I will say that!!!! I say, to hell with those lil boys that get so geeked up over oral they have to tell the whole neighborhood. Do you. If you like givin' it, give it. Cause it's all about who??? You!! And if they can't handle it, then no seconds for them. As long as you're doing it when and if you feel like it...that's all that matters. Now if they start trying to push heads down there, you know to hit the breaks. That would MURDER the mood and the fun.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous and DP are 100% correct. Anonymous Detroit.

JJ said...

lOl... that's some funny ish! duke was a lucky blokE until he uttered those words. danG! life is too long! everthing is relative.

"give us us head
give us us head"

Chubby Chocolate said...

You're not alone. I dont give head either. If asked, I make sure my teeth get in the way. Then they don't ask for it again:-)

Soulfull said...

"When I became involved in a serious relationship with someone that I loved and trusted I became a Head Case. Couldn’t tell me I wasn’t nice with it." - sowisesista

Totally agree with you there. You definitely have to be in a serious relationship before "sloppin the knob", considering guys have such a way of being blabber mouths to their friends. Back in my hay day (like I'm old, LOL!), I learned my lesson about being so "open", now that I'm married there's nothing I won't do to keep my husband happy. Great post, glad I found it!

So...Wise...Sista said...

I love the diversity of opinions. From the teeth tactic (CC - hilarious!) to the freedom of sexual expression in a marriage (thnx Soul), to the wrongness of the "push down" (Hokai, you're SO right on that!), to my original thesis about power (On point DP!)


Anonymous1, in my opinion virginity is based on intercourse. While I agree that head is a form of sex, I think one can be happy dicksuckin/coochie-eatin virgin. lol


Anonymous2..."The Come Hither"...CONFIRMED!

Anonymous3...Your instructions will soon be up in lights...

So...Wise...Sista said...

CNelly...I do vaguely remember The Brothers. And from what I can recall I thought Tamala Jones was a bit obnoxious about it. Weren't they married? A friend of mine just got his divorce papers from this chick I went to school with. She was a very quiet, very introverted girl, to the point where it seemed like she would rather crack open then open up and say hello to folks. So I wasn't in the least bit surprised to learn that she was a stiff in bed. But I told my boy that I always sensed that she has a lot bottled up...and just doesn't feel comfortable with herself, much less her sexuality.

I personally can't imagine a marriage sans oral sex.

I can see I must revisit this topic again!

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Anonymous said...

The only rule dudes need to follow is this-

Closed mouths get more head.

For real.

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