Sunday, January 27, 2008


[2/3...THIS JUST IN...

In a late addition, I have a new fav. Anyone seen the show on the Country Channel (oh hush!) where the washed up singers are competing to be a country singer?? All I have to say is...Carney.Wilson (remember that video for "Hold On" where they wre walking and she was all struggling to keep up. Ahh, I LOVE her. (she also got the bootleg gastro.)...DianaDegarmo (the young chick who got her ass whupped by Fantasia)...MarciaBrady (who knew she sang beyond the Brady variety show)...ok lemme cut to the chase. SISQ0! (My homeboy works with his mom and she had mentioned he was doing a reality show. YES!!),,,and BOBBYBROWN! All I can say is, can someone pls watch with me!!

And PS...who is the Puerto Rican (Mexican) broad on CleanHouse and where in the mayhem hell is Neicy?!!

I got issues...]

It just rarely occurs to me to plop down on the couch and pop in a dvd and watch a movie.

Cuz I got cable.

Eff a writers' strike, yo. I’ve been saying it for years (roughly around the time Survivor, Love.Cruise & Temptation.Island debuted)…this is the second Golden Era of TV (the ‘50s is considered the first…Uncle Milty, Jenny Benny, etc.).

Sure, I miss Greys and Negro Night on the CW, but here’s what’s been my pop culture Prozac so far this winter (seasonal depression is a bitch!)...

OK…so right now I’m switching btwn that dance crew Randy Jackson show, and Scott Baio. These are two great examples of what I love out of my Golden TV.

First off, Randy done gained back all that gastric bypass weight. What he get the bootleg surgery?? Anywho…Little Known Wise Fact…In my heart I’m a backup dancer. Like, on tour and everything. So I'm all over this (as well as that JLo dancer show, and So You Think..Dance (by why there always gotta be a British commentator chick?)) These competition shows are fun because you get to latch onto the personalities. After five minutes you’re pretty hooked on the crew from Boston who ain’t know how in the hell they were getting back home. Son, the Skate Crew! And of COURSE the Asian one is everyone’s fav. Other than that though, the judges blow (Shane is cool, but Lil Lip Gloss and JC “Sashay,” boo. Ok Lip Gloss isn’t bad.). But what could be better than hearing AC Slater talk all hip hop (and sometimes Mexican).

I’m in!

Now, celeb reality shows?? *SIGH* Just a piece of heaven here on earth. I mean, when was the last time you made a Jonie L0ves Chachi joke, huh?? But put Scotty in front of a camera, add the brother from Wonder Years, a few other lackeys, some bitter exes, and frankly, it’s enough to hold my attention (every week). There is really nothing extraordinary about this show, except that he’s sarcastic, anti-social and neurotic as fcuk, is literally almost 50 and without child or wedding and lost his virginity to Erin Moran. But there’s something to be said about these narrated Look at Me shows (I’m also slightly enamored with Life 0f Ryan). I Heart Them.

But REALLY…it’s the precursor to one of the best things to happen to me in 2008. Celeb Rehab! Lucifer, where to even begin! I guess the obvious place to begin is with Kinicki, but then you’d have to also end there. What a tool that one. But I prefer to remind everyone… because it’s easy to forget that there’s anyone else there besides him, that blond whore one, and the Baldwin… that the little sister from offa Urkle is on it! Yes! The one who went upstairs one episode and never came back downstairs! No, not the cooning cousin lil Richie (who’s now on Young&the Restless and deaf ,or can he hear now??)). The little girl who turned out to be a porn star!! Apparently she’s a weedhead (son, ALL my friends smoke every morning. *shrug*)

I actually did pop in a dvd this afternoon. I had to catch the first two episodes of the Wire. DatNucca and I “watched” episode 3 last week, but I had missed the first two, so my homegirl slid them to me (which I watched out of order. Genius.)

So if you’re not watching this show it’s probably because you don’t have HBO. What can I say? It’s brilliantly written and has the best cast on tv. I’d say easily one of the best I’ve ever seen. I’m partial to Seasons 1 & 4, but as a media head this one intrigues me. LOVE the Sun editor cat. He’s old school yet on point and in touch. And it’s impossible not to watch wide eyed every time Snoop is on screen if for no other reason than that she is so gotdam BMore it’s sick.

People marched in protest outside the BMore premiere, saying it was a negative portrayal of the city and of the black folks here. It is. There are lots of negative folks here from what I can tell. But what that opinion ignores is the human face the Wire puts on them. You protest this piece of art but don't say shit about the other mess on tv and in movie theaters?? The hood has a story. The city has a complex history. And the show is fantastic about showing the layers and multi-dimensions in a human and authentic way.

Plus McNulty’s effing hot. (he grabbed my ass in this pic...and I liked it)

Speaking of hot…how come every straight woman I know is in love with Shane?

Frankly, I’m not into the stringy/skinny/white/chick…but I get it. Either way, the L-Word is my shit! Jenny’s a plum mess…and I can’t WAIT for her psycho assistant to flip out. Max is like, the quiet brooding genius that keeps getting provoked. I’m patiently waiting for her/him to shoot up the Planet. Tina blows. Alice is too wack for the black chick. And why do I find “Flashdance” and “Hear No Evil” to be the best couple ever…except the worst and I’m ready for them to break up.
I still haven’t forgiven them for killing off Dana.

I kinda wish MTV would kill off Real.World. I can’t watch. I know it seems that I’d be all over it, but I’ve just about aged out of the franchise. I just cant (anymore. i was obsessed as recently as Philly ...and kinda Denver) But I CAN however get with the Challenges. My word. See, the whole thing about reality competition like I said, is that once you hook me I’m in. And these are built-in people I’ve seen drunk, vomit on each other, make out, fight, and cry. (Am I the only one who loves CT in all his drunk-violent-brutedness!) And all I have to say is it’s about time they start showing the hook ups. Who cares about the games anyway!

I could go on and on and mention ProjectRunway, anything on Style, etc., but I’ll end with probably my most anticipated show of the “season.” I need to write MTV and ask them nicely to stop promo’ing shit 4 months ahead. Cuz by the time Making.the.Band comes on I’m sure to perish. I cant wait. I was hooked on the last season (1969, are you ready?!) This season's concept is brilliant...Fine ass Will, my hometown boy Q, plus the chicks and the Don?


[Here's their single...]

Monday, January 21, 2008


I just think we’re thinking about this all the wrong way. As usual.

I’m not saying he’s better off dead (per se), but I just think the legacy of M-L-K is much stronger than the man himself would have ever lived to be. AND we got a day off out of it. AND there are black commercials on TV. AND parades. AND black actors standing poised against black backdrops and King speech video loops, chin raised high amongst the clouds, espousing of our greatness as interpreted by the Black Jesus. Ngga, he SAVED us. He is worthy.

However, why do we always hear, “Dr. K. would have been 106 years old today.” It’s an absurd notion. It’s a sad shame that brother got popped out on a balcony by a sniper and shit. That a family was without a father and husband. That the negroes were left without a savior. And so young. And in his prime.

I think the man was remarkable, and I say that, for once, without the slightest hint of sarcasm.

I just think that his legacy today is far greater than his life would have been if he lived to be 106.

So explore with me if you will…What might have been, if he had not been murked...

1. Inevitably, he woulda did a Cadillac commercial. Without a doubt. And the African American Image purists woulda been LIVID.

2. American history would be robbed of the legacy of 1968. After King’s death over 100 cities across the country were literally on fire, from Watts to my town of BMore. That year is widely considered the most volatile ever. But let’s be real for a second. How many black folks CAME UP during the riots?? Looting and whatnot. This was more of a shot in the arm to Black American Economy than any Civil Rights policy EVER was. Dr. K would have wanted it that way.

3. He would have knocked up the white chick.

4. He would have run for President, I’m guessing around ’76. He would have lost miserably during the primaries to the man who would become the least significant President ever. What kinda moron are you if you lose to J. Carter?!

5. He would have done a horrible cameo on Diff’rent Strokes. It wouldn’t even be a 2-parter or a Very Special episode. Just some lame Peace in the Streets plea btwn Arnold and the Gooch.

6. He’d have gone through an afro phase. And Lord knows he didn’t have the forehead for it.

7. (If you were born after 1984 cover your ears) Remember back in the early 80s when award shows were super glamorous, and it was a big deal who the stars brought with them? Like when Michael Jackson brought the chimp that one time? Why do I have a feeling ML would have accompanied like Paul Simon and them African singers he be having with him. Then there’d be pressure to go on the Soul Train awards and shit… NAACP… Vibe…Source…Downhill.

8. His megachurch empire (cuz you know he’d have one), would be under scrutiny and uncover some demons ala Swaggert and Baker.

9. He’d refuse to take sides in the MJ vs. Prince debate and would lose credibility with black folks.

10. …But he’d be front and center in a protest against NWA & Eff the Police.

11. Hello! No January 3-day weekend. And we wouldn’t have my fav commercial of all time… “If you light a candle, for everything he’s done…”

12. He’d be a lock for a guest spot in the ‘Welcome to Atlanta’ video.

13. The gratuitous Puffy remix and subsequent Russell.Simmons power summit appearances.

14. Media showdowns with Farrakhan. No one EVER wins those.

15. Who would we name all those MLK Blvds in cities across the country after? Nipsey Russell Way just doesn’t have the same ring.

16. Oh Black Jesus! Not the MLK book tour, daily Peace & Equality text msgs, late night talk show on TBN, Fitness March dvd box set, Civil Rights action figures (all of this on the brink of personal bankruptcy, you see), nonviolent record label. I can’t.

17. An avid and loyal Atlanta Falcons fan, he’d throw Mike Vick under the proverbial (Montgomery) bus.

18. LBJ mighta pursued re-election, which mighta put Nixon’s presidency in question…and what on EARTH woul journalism students study if not Woodward and Bernstein?

19. There’d be no place for Al.Shaprton, and I sincerely HEART him! (If you’ve never heard his radio show, it’s fanTAStic! Comedy abound)

20. Punching the shit out of a white kid without repercussion after seeing Eyes on the Prize would be a hard sell.

*Bonus...Did you not HEAR me mention the 3-day holiday!! Hope yours was as amazing as mine. :)

[Hey Joy...I really did write this before I left, but my phone wouldnt let me post it. No "intense reprimand," pleeeeease. And Jameil, I totally appreciate your new passive-aggressive approach. Nice touch:)]

Monday, January 07, 2008


I’m pretty sure my mom is about to bail on me.

So I call her last week and she says, “You’ll never guess what just happened...”

Miss Jean from across the street calls her and tells her that some she saw some kid take the envelops out of my mother’s mailbox and run through her back yard. She said she saw it through her window. The kid came to the door like he was offering to shovel her driveway (Damn, I miss old school kids who used to HUSTLE out in the cold. Not these new Xbox young fucks!)…but um, my nephew’s old school. He took care of that snow as soon as it stopped falling.

Now, we’ve lived in this same house for 30+ years, and my mom is in fact, old school. Ever since she retired and is home during delivery times, she could tell you the names of damn near every mailman in order of employment. She still believes in greeting and asking about the kids and leaving him gifts at holiday times and offering him tea when it’s cold out. She’s accustomed to leaving her mail out for him, secured with a clothespin, even when she doesn’t have stamps. He always got her. Her mail doesn’t even need an address. It’ll get to her, as long as it has her name on it.

So my mom goes outside and checks the mailbox and sure enough, it’s empty. On that morning she had run to the bank and thought he had already come through while she was gone. She walks down the paved driveway and peeps the footprints dotting the snow through the back yard.

Miss Jean had immediately called my nephew to go find the boy, but he was at work. (Neighbors having each other’s phone numbers…how old school is THAT!) Luckily, her grandkids saw the boy. Knew where he stayed.

“What kind of mail did he steal, Mommy?”

“My credit card and car insurance payments.”

Wow mom.

By the time she had called the jakes (sn!tching runs in the family??), Miss Jean’s grandson was knocking on my mom’s door. He’s an Xbox kid for sure. About 15 or so. Him and his younger brother are like my mom’s little mentees. Their daddy’s in the bing, and their grandma can’t control them. But they STAY stopping by Mama Wise’s crib before school every morning, and whent hebus drops them off after school, and even spend the night when my mom’s in the mood for noise in the house.

Young Xbox hands my mother her mail. He went running around the block, like a tough old school maverick, and got my mom’s shit back.

“I swear, I’m so ready to be out!” I’ve never heard this conviction from my mother before. Tomorrow she’ll board a plane home to Jamaica and she’ll be gone almost a month. My siblings and nephew will man the crib. The neighborhood will provide an extra set of eyes.

She’s finally gonna start work on the house down there that she and my father had been plotting for the last 30+ years. They’re old school immigrants. Come here, hustle, raise and educate your kids, go back home, ball out. I always knew she’d do it. But I never quite believed she’d really dip. But there’s really nothing stopping her. Her children are grown. She's a widow. Her grandkids the only real attachment now. She’s outgrown her community. She uses the word ‘ghetto’ now, often.

I laugh, cuz it’s funny, cuz that’s a word she’s learned, or conceptualized from incidents like the Mail Fraud. The kid who stole her shit was 12.

When her house is done, she will move. And I’ll be lost. But she’s earned it. She’s weathered 30+ unforgiving winters. Made her connections. Raised and educated me. She’s left her mark. She should go and I should be happy.

And that suddenly opens up the possibilities of a whole world with my name on it.

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  • So...Wise??

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    Our Nation's (HIV) way of Harlem, NY and Upsteezy NY
    I'm older than I look, and stupider than you think. But I'm quite proud of my sharp eye for The Ridiculous, and by Ridiculous, of course I mean Me.