Fast FWDs...

Last week it was the damn Jamie Foxx email, this week it's this 'Getting to Know You' email, which I've received about 10 times in the past 4 days. I think the Bush administration is leaking this questionnaire...so since I'm anti-establishment and shit, I have originated a new survey...one that will give you much more insight than knowing the color of your friend's bedroom carpet...unless of course your friend is a redhead.:) [PS - I'm told the rug matches the curtains]

1. If you could grab any famous person's azz, who would it be and why? Will Smith, cuz it's juicy and I love him and I think he would let me. More importantly I think Jada would let me too.

2. If you could switch lives with Paris Hilton, would you? Yup, and I would watch her dumb azz drive down Genny every day, or ride the 2 train, or go to a hood grocery store, or put in a full days work (even half a day!), pump gas, or see my account balances, etc.

3. If your best friend of the opposite sex was not your best friend, would you wanna hit? I wanna hit now!

4. What's the last thing you stole? A few extra sugar cookies from the Kid's jar at Wegmans.

5. Would you rather walk around smelling like food or smoke? How dope is it to go into a bar or club in NYC and not have to come home and wash the Newportness out of your hair? Now what if they also banned food from the scene! With that said, I'd rather smell like a chicken wing.

6. If you could give yourself head would you? How often? I think I would bec, ya know, how can you expect someone else to please you if you can't please yourself, right? (Daily)

7. If yes, would that make you a homo? Guys, yes. Chicks, just experimenting.

8. Is 'homo' a bad word? I hope not, sissy.

9. If you could be another race which would you be and why? Latina, OBVIOUSLY, bec as Khalid Muhammad once said, "the same dog that bit us bit them, too"...plus they be getting cast in ALL the rap videos right now. Plus they take care of their men, dont they brothers? Shit, no matter what I decide I'd be statistically a step closer to the alter than my black azz is now!

10. Think of your most passionate career dream...now would you elect to have that exact job today if you had to agree that on your 60th birthday you would get what Muhammad Ali got? Well, that would at least guarantee you'd live to at least 60. Life expectancy for nggas is only like, 47, so that might be a good look. But then on the other hand, if you just work hard and try to reach it that way, you wouldn't have to face people saying that you sure got your azz kicked in that career and didn't know when to hang it up!

11. If you could kill someone without going to jail or having violent flashbacks or guilt, would you? I think I might, actually, esp if it might improve my credit score.

12. If you could know how/when you would die would you want to know? NO! What are you gonna do, brace yourself??

13. Would you want to have vision like those lights at nightclubs where you could see everything crawling on you, not just lint? That shit would be too distracting. But I would want to see the creepies that other people walk around with.

14. What is your philosophy on life? It's a dream...live it knowing that you control your destiny. Whatever, that's not really what I believe, but it's theoretically true. For real, for real, it sucks for some, great for others.

15. On death? It blows.

16. On virginity? Underrated.

17. Which would you rather give up, TV or music? Music, cuz you could still watch MTV...or would those channels always be on mute? Hmm...

18. If you could only listen to 3 songs for the rest of your life what would they be? Damn! Today my choices are: "That Name" by Yolanda Adams, "Shame on a Nuh" by WuTang, The Theme from Good Times...tomorrow I'm sure I'd have 3 new ones.
19. Would you rather have true love or a great career? True Love! Screw work.

20. What scene from a movie or TV show would you love to live? The scene from Roseanne where they won the lotto (definitely jumped the shark with that nonsense)

21. Who on your sent list is most likely to lie on their taxes? Me or Girl.

22. Who on your list is least likely to get married? Biggus (Punkin and Mama K. are being very patient throughout your white girl phase) lol

23. If you could put your name on any book and say you wrote it what would it be? PUSH by Saffire

24. Would you rather be a crackhead or a midget? Me, Whitney and Bobby!

25. Would you rather date a midget or a Nazi? Holy shit! No comment.

26. Would you rather burn or freeze? Just call me a California wildfire!

27. If you could beat up anyone on your list who would it be? The first person to doubt I would do it.

28. Would you rather be beautiful or brilliant? One or the other?...hmm... smart enough to figure out a way to appear attractive.

29. Do you have a secret crush on anyone? It's probably no secret.

30. Are you currently leading someone on? Only until my b-day. ;)

Now for the Classics (my crew knows what time it is...and it's time to update)...

For $1Million would you....

...Let Shaq kick you in the mouth?
...Be locked in a cage with a bear for 1 minute? 2 minutes? 3 minutes?
...Chase down and bite a squirrel?
...Eat a shit shake (human and animal)?
Ans: I pretty much can't think of very many things I would not do for a quick (tax-free) mil.

NOW the fun part...I'm tagging anyone who thinks their answers are better than mine! :)