Monday, October 20, 2008


I grew up with dudes who played sports. Came to school in crispy Jordans and shiny mesh shorts that hung just at the knee. There was always a boxer briefs waistband visible. But that was all.

And even if they weren't good at sports they were obsessed with SportsCenter. They talked about it incessantly.

I grew up with dudes who had female friends. Not BFFs tho. Be clear...they'd blaze given the opportunity. But they'd talk shit and cuss and let fly a few bitch and ho references in front of their homegirls with absolutely no offense intended and none taken.

I grew up with dudes who defended said female friends. I could go out and feel like I was surrounded by secret.service. If anyone ever got slick with me there'd be a dude there to handle it before I even had a chance to ask.

Dudes I grew up with had other guy friends. WTF is this lonesome ngga phenomenon? Has it always existed where guys sit at home night after night watching movies by themselves? Where is your boy? You know, the cat that comes over the crib with some brew??? Guys are fairly simple creatures. Easily relateable with few strict requirements outside of loyalty. So I slant a mean skepty eye to any guy who proudly exclaims that he doesn't have any male friends.

Guys I grew up with want pussy. And lots of it. Even now as adults. Some married. That's not to say that they whore around or even step out on their women. But it IS to say they have libidos. Asexual ass nggas frighten me.

I grew up with straight dudes. And gay ones. But very few of this ridiculously ambiguous bitch ngga shit.

I grew up with white dudes who grew up with black dudes. And vice versa. And they have dude things in common like pussy, beer, and the Lakers.

Nggas I grew up with iron the shit out of every outfit they put on. The smell of starch always makes me smile.

The dudes I grew up with got their hair cut religiously, have precision-cut goatees, own no less than two durags, a brush for home, work and car, and two maybe three pairs of dress shoes. And they are not in any way metro.

Dudes I grew up with work. And dance. And don't need to be asked twice for them to fuck you.

They also have issues. But they deal with them. And said issues are rarely deep enough to make them disown their parents or siblings.

There are certain songs and certain artists that remind me of certain people. That's because dudes I grew up with commit classic rap lyrics to memory. Mobb Deep and the "Reasonable Doubt" album are two examples.

Where I'm from dudes smile. And grind on a girl when they dance. Their eyes hone in on fat asses, and follow them around corners until out of sight. They hold doors open no matter what. They don't eat in front of folks without offering. They use pronouns like yo and B. and son and kid and ngga and cracker and money to punctuate every sentence. They called their fathers Pops even if he wasn't ever around. They're emotionally unavailable to any woman except their mothers or sisters or daughters. They refuse to allow a woman to sit in the backseat of a car with two dudes up front. Like, they will fight you over this. They change their own car air filters and flat tires. They sometimes wait til they're reduced to tears to go to the doctor. They feel no kinda way about crying at a loved one's funeral or to express love for their friends and families and women.

Not all dudes are from where I'm from. And that's a shame. Cuz dudes I grew up with are my kinda guys.


It may seem silly but I haven't come across this kinda regular guy in a very long while. Times have changed I guess.

Guys who are into poetry and fashion and technology and dvd collections and the mall and upscale eateries are fun. They surround me daily. But where is the guy in sweatpants who always has the game on? The one who will push me damn near off a bar stool if I try to pay for their drinks. Where's the guy who doesn't mind driving when we go out? Who isn't emotionally scarred by my mood swings. Who is conflicted about commitments but doesn't use it as an excuse.

I miss him.


Jonzee said...


How come you just summed up what I couldn't put my finger on...

I hate when you do that.

dalia said...

that was beautiful, and i miss these cats, too. i'ma link to this in a minute.

nicely done.

Epsilonicus said...

Regular guys are going extinct. Our society has "sissified" our men. Cut their nuts off. Now we are suppose to not only watch sports but know whats goin gon in Cosmo or something. I understand we need to be emotionally available and yadda yadda, but we are still men. As men we still need to scratch our nuts and watch sports.

I realized this problem when a female friend said to me, "You are the only guy I know who is in love with chasing women. You just love it. It makes you so happy. It leaves you smiling.". I asked her if I was the only straight male friend she had. She had others she said but they were not like me. Thats when I knew there was a problem.

Mr.Slish said...

Okay Wise those Muhfuckas you talking bout LIVE with their

So...Wise...Sista said...

Jonz...That could very well be bec we both live in this Town of Peculiar Dudes. Excluding Cnelly and Amadeo and Epsi of course. lol

Dalia...thank you. Its one of my best friends bday today and he's the inspiration for this. Hey be on the lookout...and if you come across one or two tell em to holler. lol

Epsi...Is that what it is...dudes I grew up with had nuts.

Slish...That's fine. I rarely fcuk dudes I grew up with. lol But I damn sure drink wit em! lol WTF they at slishy? Send them back!

Vdizzle said...

Wise...this can be the obituary of the regular dude. Cause bitch niggas is EVERYWHERE I look nowadays!!!

Cool C(h)rys said...

GIRL! Are you from FLINT, MICHIGAN?! 'Cause the niggaz you describe are the same ones I knew at home...right down to the Mobb Deep and Reasonable Doubt!

This was DOPE.

nikki said...

i gotta agree with ep to a certain degree.

i'm currently dating a hybrid of the guys you grew up with. he's a man's man...yet he wears concealer to cover his zits. he confuses me :(

and that metrosexual shit is SO PLAYED. i figure they're all gay. i ain't trying to guess, especially here in the atl.

cherry's kid said...

My first time here...but really? I think because Jersey is so close to NY you got to be talking about dudes from Newark, NJ where I grew!!!! I miss my guy friends I grew up with...I got 1 or 2 left but they all married so when we chill we chill but I miss dating those types of dudes...but although I am still in's some BITCHASSNESS that has taken over and dudes are just ugh...but my cousin said something so profound to me the other day...Are we as women taking away some of th things because we've been so independent driving, I drive to everyday or pick him up because I don't want his BITCHASS to know where I live but am I taking away his manliness? IDK but seriously...I miss those dudes!!!!

Ms. Cali Brwn said...

I cant let you know they ain't in LA!!!

Bam said...

Sweet God this was so on point.
And they are not in Michigan.

BTW, Nice to meet you, I'm Bam.

Amadeo said...

I stay watching SportCenter...I'm going to annoy my girl later as I try to watch sports programming from 5:30 until.

But um er....I'd let you buy me a drink...EQUALITY NOW...especially at the bar.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Vdiz... hahahaha. I didnt wanna make this an indictment on bitch dudes, but I guess that's really what it boils down to, huh? lol

CC...Lemme find out I need to hit up a 90s party in Flint and rock with some real dudes!!

Nikki...I was JUST about to say, son, you in ATL what u expect. lol (but concealer tho??)

Cherry... You're so RIGHT! It's a Catch 22 really. But I think that if he's Dude We Grew Up Wit then no emasculating necessary. lol

Cali...I'll be the judge of like 3 weeks!!!

What up Bam!! Sadly, I am well versed in the sorry state of affairs in MI. All together now...*sigh* lol

Amadeo... Ahhh yes, I should have mentioned that yall also watch the same highlights ad nauseum (while I watch too). lol Equality now...but at happy hour?? Really??

Adei von K said...

wow. when i went to the bronx for a summer once upon a time, that was the guy i hung with. i forgot i had a wallet and had a good time just CHILLIN

msohsoopinionated said...

dis blog was on point. i live n Ga.near da A, n b****a** guys r da majority. I shouldn't have 2 but I suspect every1s sexuality now. It's sad! either they're gay, 2 feminine/2sexually open minded=trysexual, or they just 2 dog gone lazy. & 2 put it blountly, dats not da make-up of a man. Men work & they're supposed 2 @ everything. Des guys des days don't know about dat*sigh*. Is there any hope? Someone execute the 'metro' mumbo jumbo already b4 it's 2 l8, plzzzzz!!!

Smokie said...

Giiiiiirl, I wish you'd update because you sure can write. Wow. You said it all.

I married one of the regular guys. One year on May 22nd. :-)

Anonymous said...

Wow...This is so well-written and precise. (Could be the start of an interesting novel!!!<---Seriously consider writing. I love ur style!) Anyway, this is so true. I grew up with guys like these, but more often than not they didn't have ALL of the qualities you listed, but most of them.

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