Tuesday, December 09, 2008

FAITH

We interrupt this extended absense to bring you this msg intended for no one but
me...

Faith. Unless you are a dreamer like me you may find it difficult some times to
place a name to the face. Like me.

I know its there I just can't always find it.

Somewhere along the way, and trust, the way has been long, dark and mostly
lonely, my faith blended in with the shadows. It took on shapes like the
properties of air or liquid, becoming an element of surprise.

Now you see it. Now...

You don't always understand things immediately. Things don't always make sense.
That's when faith steps in and holds open the door for you. Faith is chivalrous.
Requires little acknowldgement...except that's its entire existence actually.

Imagine if you only existed as a promise. If all you were was your word. You'd
wish your name to be spoken without ceasing. Which is how I pray.

Somewhere along the way as is the case with most dreamers, things become so
muttled. So disfigured that you long for understanding in your waking hours.
Sleep is no longer a suitable symptom. No longer your refuge.

Somewhere along the way I lost faith in people. Determined them worthless and
unthinking. That way my own stupidity seems unordinary and less remarkable. But
I didn't imagine it. It really happened. I really got let down. I lost support.
I lost love. I lost respect. I lost my mind and the will therein.

I lost myself along the way. I am hoping that if I can retrace my steps and
rediscover the hope of faith, there somewhere nearby, there I will be also.

I lost faith in the truth. I know its there. I can taste it like it on my lips
even when it isn't. I do have faith however, that it is truly buried beneath the
rubble of insecurity and frustration and distance.

If I close my eyes right now I will settle solemnly into a dream. I will
immediately recognize the time and place. It will be exactly where I need to be.
It is not always easy for me to focus but in this moment the circumstances are
razor sharp. Its that way, all dark and long and lonely. But ill see clearly the
bends and turns, the finish line off in the distance. It will resemble the life
I ought to be leading.

I will open my eyes, puffy and still damp, and faith will pry the lingering tear
drops from my lashes and I will see again. I will visualize the possibilities
again.
I will reconnect with my faith and find my way.

6 comments:

Epsilonicus said...

As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much has happened that we just can't.

Miz JJ said...

I like this post. Keep your chin up.

nikki said...

you sound like you're finding your way back to faith, and that's what matters. keep ya head up folk.

Blah Blah Blah said...

it's all dark and gooey...clinging to me like a sort of draining slime...
making me wish...hoping for something but so lost that i have no idea what i hope for anymore.
i like the post...hate the path...
but i hope yours clears soon and brings clarity.yea...blah blah blah

Scarlett Rae said...

"I will reconnect with my faith and find my way." I have been thinking the SAME thing lately, Wise.

Let me know how it goes.

Cheers,
SRae

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