Thursday, March 15, 2007

March 24, 2007...12:15pm


The next time I blog, it will be on the other side of my 4th decade.

I will have had passed out somewhere on the Las Vegas S+rip, gotten a teary phone call from my mother, and eaten too much butter cream.

Yessss…ya girl So Easy Weazy’s got a born day coming up, and it’s a biggie.

But ya know, muhfcukas be taking this whole 30’s +he new 20 nonsense too damn far. Maybe it’s just me, but my 20s weren’t all that to be wantin to do a repeat and shit. I mean, like 5th grade was fun as hell, but if I had gotten a note on my last report card that gave me the option to forgo 6th and do it again, I wouldn’t.

Or, you ever make a bomb azz sandwich, and it’s so good you go make another one? And you guessed it…you didn’t quite recreate the whole wheat, light mayo magic.

Even great sex is often better left for that one time only.

Frankly, as I look towards the prospect of God blessing me with another 10 years of life, I am hoping, no… praying for newness. New adventures, new friends, new loves, new insight, new opportunities, new ideas, new blessings.

Because the OLD adventures, friends, loves, insight, opportunities, ideas and blessings are already a part of me. I won’t grow without savoring a new set of tastes.

So here’s my list of 30 Things I’ma Do Now That I’m 3o…

1. Read Invisible Man
...Go to Europe
...Learn the diff btwn a straight and curved mascara brush (then buy the right one (currently using straight))
...See Les Mis
5. Make friends with a famous person
...Start telling young boys to pull up their damn pants (and that chain wallets and glitter belts are 'so 5 years ago' white and gay, respectively)
...Stick with spinning and belly dancing
...BUY good music instead of downloading
...Finish a manuscript
10. Outline my thesis
...Join church
...Invest more aggressively in mutual funds
...Enter the word 'gregarious' into my conversational lingo
...Make a Puerto Rican friend
15. Begin a letter campaign to put pressure on studios to release Webs+er, 15, and Benson on DVD
...Contribute to a political campaign (who am I fooling? Something will happen and I'm gonna get pissed and say eff it and not give a eff until I go vote)
...Get tested for ADD (not to be confused with A1DS, which is what this looks like if you read it fast. PS...I been tested)
...Publish at least 5 articles
...Volunteer at something
20. Make and market a porn flick (starring someone other than me)
...Start the travel group
...Curse in front of my nephews
...Learn to cook curry goat
...Get into a good fist fight
25. Pitch the Pilot
...No more perms (I'm already 3 months in!)
...Make Amends with the Ex Con
...Fcuk him and get it out of my system
...Spend a lot of money on a handbag
30. Wear slutty clothes and kiss random boys in front of my big brothers:)

Honorable Mention:

1. Stop drinking on an empty stomach (I vowed this when I turned 21, too)

...Get a 30 & Over Club card and hit up the Ashford and Simpson show with Amadeo.

Shout out to all my fellow Aries!

36 comments:

Jameil said...

you are hilarious and i love you!!!!!!!! never even heard of 15 til i clicked that link. why a porn? i need to go to calif., mexico, canada and the carribbean before i go to europe again... or i can just say f it! i do what i want! lol. me and the girls have to plan our 25th yr trip when i go home next week.

can you also tell l.l. glitter belts are gay? b/c i've seen him tooooo many places w/them on of late. not cute. i wanna wear slutty clothes too! yeah!! and i might get a tatt, too.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Jameil...Awww! :)

Ok, I could LITERALLY go on and on about 15. It was off tha hook. You might be too young to remember when 'Clar!ssa Explains it All' first started, but it was on around that time. This was even before 'Salute Ur Shorts' and 'Hey Dude.' If you enjoy (bad) Canad!an teen melodramas like Degrass!, then 15 is for you! And Ry@n Reynolds from Van W!lder was in it as the loser little brother wannabe drummer. That was my SHIT!

Porn...Ive seen enough AWFUL porn that the competitor (read: hustler) in me is sure I could do it better. I even wrote a script in college. (Ive now decided to produce the kind where theres no talkin) :)

God willing I'm also hitting up Mexico (Cancun) and/or the Carib this spring. Canada is dope! You'll love Montreal and T.Dot...lots of shopping.

If not gay then EL should at least consider that he's too damn old to be wearing glitter, gay or not.

When I turn 40 Im gettin a tat on my wrist like Nik Giovanni! :)

OK, did we just have an entire 'comment convo'??

Miz JJ said...

Happy Birthday!!!! Enjoy Vegas.

I like your list. You can't make curry goat?!? It's actually not that hard. And definitely invest more in your mutual funds. Need to invest for the future. LMAO @ you kissing boys in front of your brothers. You're grown and thirty...why not!

So...Wise...Sista said...

MizJJ says..."You can't make curry goat?!?"

Fake azz Jamaican that I am. Never tried, and was never taught. :(

Im pretty sure that the result of kissing in front of my brothers, at ANY age is that I will get forcefully yoked up. Ill have to explain the whole 'kiss the bride' thing before I get married I think. lol

YES girl. 20s was about making money so naturally 30s gotta be about saving it.

Amadeo said...

I would have been hurt by the chain wallet thing...but I got mine 5 years ago when only bikers and punks wore them. Now that every little kid has one I'm annoyed. All I can say was I was ahead of the trend.

Don't you want a 30 and over club card? That's my only goal for 30 so far.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Amadeo...I swear I told a friend last night at this ambiguously gay open mic (you ever been? It was at the 5 Seasons on Guilford)...remember when black dudes with chain wallet was sexy? And she said, yeah, back in the Leny Kravits day. So not only are you safe, but you woulda been eligible for Accessory Sex. :)

PS...I need to start an honorable mention list, cuz i def got my eye on the club card!

Anonymous said...

LoL hmmm I might have to do I since I'm turning 21 list, but it ain't till summer, so I got a minute.

Only you can go from reading Invisible Man (I skimmed it in high school) to making a flick. I guess you do want to be appropriately cultured.

Travel is always a good thing.

Though I have a love-hate relationship with writing, I'm sure you're going to beast a manuscript.

I was going say come and take me to church, but I've reserved judgement on Jamal Bryant & friends. One of my students is his youth pastor's daughter. I asked her she went to a friend of my family's church, she said "don't you mean Jamal Bryant's church." Okay Ms. Too Grown @ 7.

Making amends, how adult of you?

Jameil said...

we DID have a comment convo. :) k.. looked up some mascara stuff for you. the curved wand allegedly curls your lashes. whatev. i have one but only b/c it came with the container i liked. DON'T pump the wand b/c it adds air to the container, drying it out, wiggle instead. do the same wiggling motion at the base of your lashes to add the illusion of length. if you're bad at the lower lashes, either put a tissue underneath pre-application or leave em alone, that's in now too. perhaps you didn't need those answers but there is a lost one among us!! I JUST KNOW IT!!!

Amadeo said...

I used to go to the 5 when it was good and in a different location...I recommend Organic Soul now...house bands rule and so do alot of their features. www.blackoutstudios.com

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

happy b-day! im excited for you.

my 30's are far better than my 20's. 20's are practice- 30's are the real deal.

thank you for at least mentioning buying music rather than downloading- much respect from me on that....

i should consult you the next time im in B-more..i had an interesting two weeks down there-

the very

TTD said...

shout out to empowerment!! that's not MY church.. but i do love to visit it!!

lol @ curse in front of ur nephews

hope u reach ur 30 goals @ 30

The Brown Blogger said...

Get this:

Everything you wanna do in your thirties will happen with ease and quickness. Once knowledge of self sinks in (I think for me it was right around 32) all that stuff you have on your list will just come. It's amazing. All the walls fall down and you just do shit. For you. That satisfies. I'm loving 36. Weird as hell to say but shit, since 30 I've been very free. You'll find out.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday from one aries to another ... cause well we kick azz and then some ... so heres to your being 30 and well my being 23 ... not much to that ... im somewhere stuck in limbo but i aint complainin ... i hope i can only make it to 30 and be a so wise sista ...

So...Wise...Sista said...

CNelly says..."appropriately cultured."

I knew you'd understand me. :)

You can tell me what u think of JB and the church folk crew.

As for making amends...u know whats deep is that the Ex Con lost someone to cancer like 2 years ago and STILL doesnt care that we dont talk. What if that was one of us, dead without a resolution? *sigh*

Jameil...thanks for the 'scara tips. Im not buyin the whole cruvy thing. More importantly, Im also not paying $10 for that shit. lol

Amadeo...Thanks for the recommend. Gotta check that spot out. Ill give you a full report.

Rev says..."my 30's are far better than my 20's. 20's are practice- 30's are the real deal."

Thats what I keep saying! I think every decade is just a do over of the one prior. And YES, altho I mostly download oldies, I do acknowledge that I need to buy more music, period. But honestly, it was my personal protest against artists who only produce like 1 or 2 decent songs!

BMore is interesting to say the least. You better holler the next time ur down here.

TTD...The church goal is prob the trickiest one. I go pretty regularly (when I dont go I watch online, hangover and all. lol), but there is something about it that Im not feeling, i just dont know what. We'll see.

Hassan says..."Everything you wanna do in your thirties will happen with ease and quickness."

Yessssss! Thanks for the heads up. I'm gonna hold you to this! :)

AI...Ariessssss! You're well on your way, girlie. I could tell you some STORIES about Wise at age 23 that would suggest otherwise. lol

TTD said...

it's the fact that the church wants people to go into debt just to tithe.. i hate that they have a credit card station set up in there....

Anonymous said...

lol @ making a porn...

I was just building with my man who is on the other side of the 30 and over club. I said it's sooooo on once I get my 30 and over card (6 months left).

A friend once told me that she never ever wanted to repeat her 20's again, I didn't get it then but now I understand. Why you would want to repeat the most confusing, transitional period of your life since high school, boggles the mind.

ps. Definitely check out organic soul tuesdays...good spot, good people and the toughest crowd in the baltimore performance scene (if you suck....you'll know it..lol)

So...Wise...Sista said...

TTD...Ya know the whole credit/debit option on the offering envelop is a bit off-putting.lol But I aint mad at them. My mom tithes and I believe in the importance of giving and knowing that you'll received it back multiplied...and truth be told prob the main incentive to joining is the tax benefits. Now maybe THATS why Im hesitant, knowing that MY heart my not be in the right place.

Ab...Wanna be my porn consultant? :)

"Why you would want to repeat the most confusing, transitional period of your life since high school, boggles the mind."

EXACTLY. I think 20s was basically a redo of adolescence, just with way more responibilities. And Im assuming that the 30s is a redo of the 20s just with less drama and hopefully lower interest rates. lol

onefromphilly said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY ARIES SISTER!

Although I'm way past 30 i still remember it like it was yesterday. Enjoy and good luck with those 30 things you're gonna do!! Although #20 worries me a little...LOL

The Brown Blogger said...

I am the master of 'the givaway'.

Let me explain:
I pay myself first. Afterwards I share damn near everything. It's different being a professional vagabond but potlucking is the ish. What I mean is... What I have is the same thing the folks I love have. There is a limit because I loves the fancy shit (Mac not PC, Patron not Cuervo, 1080p not 760p, Studio 6 suites not Red Roof, Egyptian Musk from Chicago's finest Arab contingent not watered down ish from that Nigerian cat from Galveston, United business class or beter, not AirTran anything travelling master loctician and spirit guide Baba Biko not the shop), but get the fact that when you give and share you get back tenfold. Trust me on this. Give and get back. Go ahead and give 10, maybe 20%. Be sure that it's from your heart and you actively participate with the folks you give/share with.

And then itemize, save and let your accountant hold that sometime around November.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Happy BDay to you too Philly!
What worries you about #20...the fact that I'm not gonna be in it? :)

Hassan...I know ur right. And it's the part about being actively involved with the recipient of my giving that has me hesitant. If only cash gifts to my mom were as !RS friendly. lol

Anonymous said...

I've always thought your blog was cool, but now you're conferred bad ass status to infinity for loving the show "15." Ryan Reynolds grew up kind of fly. Who knew?

Anonymous said...

You are gettin old!! I still got love for ya!!

BK said...

LMAO.. first thing.. happy birthday and welcome to the 30 and ova crew :)

2nd... I'll help you learn how to make curry goat..

Enjoy!

So...Wise...Sista said...

Anon...Thanks for the shout. RR grew quite nicely, didnt he. I thought he was least likely to success from that show...him and the drunk "jock" Matt. lol

Eps...You're still young. Aha! ;)

Thanks BK!...I'm gonna try brown stew chicken first...we'll see how that goes before I jump to the goat!

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

what u got planned, wise?

aquababie said...

i hate i'm late, but i hope you had a fantastic born day :) i am enjoying my 30's more than my 20's. i feel better and better everyday.

welcome to the club!

Anonymous said...

I love this list!!!! I'm digging #20 because there are some really bad (read: make you NEVER want to have sex again) porns, especially the ones with people of color in them....UGH. Why is this....We're some sexy ass folks....Why the contradiction on screen? lol HAPPY BDay!!!!

La said...

Aiight so from your list I've compiled a list of things I can't contribute:
- if you go to Europe go to Spain. Its such a beautiful country. Go to a little town called Toledo right outside Madrid. The entire town is built right into the mountainside with a river cutting through the center. GORGEOUS. You couldn't paint a better postcard.
- curved mascara brushes are a joke. The straight ones do the same thing. The trick is using the eyelash curler. The brush doesn't matter.
- Le Mis ain't all that. Go see Caroline or Change or Chicago
- meet famous people. Find a way to introduce me to Reggie Bush. Thanks.
- "Pull up your pants young man!!!" hahaha why is that so hilarious to me?
- I looooove belly dancing. You should try pole dancing classes too. Such a good workout, damn good translation to the romper room too
- I can be your Puerto Rican friend. Well, partially. If not I know a chick named Annaelisa who lives in Queens that you'd absolutely love.
- oh God, I need you to do the porn first. Porn nowadays is so painfully lacking.
- I wanna join the travel group!!! Pick me! Pick meeeee!!!
- I can def help you w/the fighting thing. I'm famous for my mouth gettin me into trouble to the point I have to throw hands... or maybe that would be infamous?
- what level of expensive handbags are we talkin? I'd go w/a Chanel. I know a Louis would be the more obvious choice, but Chanel bags are generally better made and not nearly as gaudy or trendy. Invest in a classic, expensive bag... says the girl that works for the overpriced accessories conglomerate

Yay Aries!!!! I can't wait for my bday!! I'm still hating cuz you're not goin to Vegas the same time as me, but I wish you many nights of drunken tom foolery, beautiful men, and drunken tom foolery w/beautiful men.
Amen.

expressions of mirth said...

OK...I've tried sending this three separate times and Blogger refuses to cooperate....

Happy Birthday!!

Sherlon Christie said...

You must read "Invisible Man"...it was a great book

nikki said...

i might have missed the birthday but i'm glad i didn't miss this entry. i hope you get to do everything on that list sista.

happy belated!

JayGee said...

Wow, the fact that "Read Invisible Man" tops your list makes you extremely cool in my world. Invisible Man is my favorite book, bar none, of all time.

I enjoyed reading your blogs. I'll visit more frequently.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the 30s yo.


I think its time to get the band back together....holla @ ya boy.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Aqua...Thank you! I believe you, girl. 30 does kinda FEEL different already. lol

Anon...Cuz not only are Of Colors sexy, but we also tend to be low budget ad low-expectation havin muhfcukas, which translates quite clearly in porn.lol Im bout to bring sexy back...or at the very least bring it up.:)

OK LA...Clearly I need to email you cuz there's too much for us to discuss. But...

...I have a friend who went to Spain in Nov and the town she stayed in sounds EXACTLY like Toledo. My 1st trip will likely be to London/Paris.

..."meet famous people. Find a way to introduce me to Reggie Bush. Thanks."

Now is this BEFORE or AFTER I have my way with him.

...pole dancing is cool but i couldnt keep a straight face cuz the instructors were so absurdly unsexy. lol

...hmmm, part Puerto Rican. I gotta figure out if that qualifies. HAHAHA

Vegas...GIRL! lemme email you. lol

Mirthy...Thanks for the shout. Blogger is such a hater!

SPC...nice pic ;)

Thanks Nik. Where you been, nuc?

JG...Well thank you! And now that we've bonded over Ellison you gotta keep in touch. And when I do read it you and I can have a book club discussion. ;)

DP says..."I think its time to get the band back together"

FUNNY. I say we just KC and JoJo it, son. lol I'll holla.

Little Brown Girl said...

Happy Belated Birthday (I wanted to comment on your last post but you aint lettin me LOL!)

Vegas sounded like it was OFF THE CHAIN!! Glad you had fun and that couple from ur party are just too friggin adorable!!!

I loved your list...I agree with just about all of it too LOL!!

La said...

Wise! Email me!!! I've never been to Vegas before so I need your wise guidance, lol

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