ACCENT

I remember being on the phone with dude and I distinctly looking at the phone all defeated.

Or maybe it was in person, and I stood silent and momentarily frozen, before kicking aside a rock or something.

Either way, it wasn’t no email or text or voicemail cuz I was only in like 7^th grade.

“You got a white accent.”

He didn’t say I “talk white” or that I “sound like a white girl.” He said I had a white accent. And for some reason I instantly knew what he meant.

This obviously wasn’t my first trial. I had been accused of all of the above, what with being one of only five blackies in the “smart” class since 4^th grade. It was either I was acting white because of my achievement (guess they never got wind of that one warning letter I got threatening to kick me out because I got a couple Cs.). Or that I talked white because of my penchant for the King’s English. Silly grammar. Guess they didn’t hear me getting scolded at home for either speaking patois with my brothers, or using slang my parents couldn’t decipher.

But if you ever been around white people you know it’s hard to be around them for long without falling into their cadence, if for no other reason than so that they can understand what the fcuk you’re talking about. It’s similar to how you can tell when white folks grew up in the hood. You can hear it.

But that wasn’t it. It was just, how I sounded. For years I hated my voice. Still do. I have no control over the high pitches or the sometimes low lilts. I do however, have full handle of my articulation and I can sometimes rein in the occasional Caribbean riddim or borough-inspired rough edges. If you speak to me on the phone, and particularly if you know my government, it may be difficult to discern me as a negress. Unless you get me cussing.

So you know how on BlackinAmerica there was a segment on “talking white.” Cause it’s apparently a HUGE problem facing our community. If you’re uninitiated, the argument is that young people who do well in school or speak proper English are often accused of “acting or talking white.” Of course this is rubbish, because the idea is that to be a high achieving is equated with whiteness…and you know where that leaves blackness. In the dark, per usual.

But here’s my question…Is this the whole truth?

Or do some coloreds actually talk or act white?

Hear me out, cuz I’m just typing out loud…

Let’s first consider that there’s a good chance that the good, book-learned black folk, like myself, who articulated this Act White oppression are probably the ones who were accused of doing so. They were the Act Whiters. Might still be. So then there’s a good chance, that like me, they carry some baggage about it. It’s like the newly-brolic dude who used to get his ass kicked when he was little. He still feels some kinda way about bullying, and can hypothesize and analyze the shit out of the topic. Yes?

Ok, so then there’s a good chance that in the self preservation of said White Talker’s superior ego, there’s still a side left unturned. Three sides to every story, no?

Real talk, as someone who’s been accused, I don’t really think that what was being said was that I was trying to be a good student and therefore a white student, and therefore acting white. I don’t think that I was being dragged down by the crabs, then unceremoniously kicked in the belly of the bucket by self loathing niggers. I think that they saw me running with my best friend, a white chick, heard me talking about how we used to go cross country skiing back in the day (but missed the part where it was during gym class, and not on the weekends at my family's cottage in Vail or no bullshit). Peeked into my Latin class and saw me, the only black speck. Heard my accent.

But real talk, some nggas actually talk white.

And some try to act white too.

Yeah, I said it.

And I’m not talking about black folks who like rock music either. Cuz that shit’s ours. And your ipod does not a White Acter make.

I’m not talking about dating outside your race... Though if I wanted I probably could.

Not talking about Hillary or Carlton.Banks... They knew they were black.

Nor am I referring to no suburban negroes... Sometimes you just want a gate and a lawn and to be pulled over by the cops in your own driveway.

I went to a white school, so you know I’ve seen my fair share of brothers and sisters trying to get away with the same shit that white kids do. The hazing. The outdoor partying. The walking barefoot. The shorts in the winter. Their asses ALWAYS ended up locked up or in the hospital. Nggas.

If you closed your eyes you would think that Tiger*Woods was pretty pale. Plus he plays golf. Anyone know who Shane*Battier is? It’s not that they both speak proper English. So does Michael Jordan, but he doesn’t sound like an overseer.

Don't mind me... I'm just typing out loud after all, but maybe, just maybe, black folks aren't as deft as we'd be led to believe. Sometimes nggas be just acting stupid.