What do you do if you hate one of your significant other's good friends?
I know we've discussed this before, but there's this situation that I'll explain in the comments that has a different spin.
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17 comments:
Guess we didn't get to this, huh?
Been there. My way of dealing was pretty diplomatic. I was polite whenever said "friend" was around. And I merely told the Signif that I wasn't feeling them--in the most diplomatic way possible.
The way I see it. You probably have good reason not to like the person--or as you said hate them (shit if you hate them, you got damn good reason.)--but if you try to push your signif on it--it will be hell.
depands on the friend. if they close u might have to give up the relationship cos u know u they aint breakin up
Jonzee... Kinda sorta but not really. lol Of course in my dramatic fashion, 'hate' is as good a word as any. I figure the "hell" part.
Anon...wow. OK, so let's say not a BFF, but a good enough friend that is in their life on a daily basis. Breaking up...hahahahahaha. Thats a new one.
for me it comes down to some important ish:
1. how long i been dating dude
2. how serious is the relationship
3. how long they been friends
4. how deep is their friendship
if i only been dating cat for a few months then i'm not gonna be pressing him to get rid of his friend, especially if i don't know if he's 'the one'.
some friends i won't be feeling. so long as that friend ain't adversely affecting the relationship, i'm gonna have to deal, i.e. minimalize my interactions with that dude and be as civil as possible.
Nikki...Let's assume that the friendship is "adversely affecting the relationship" if for no other reason than that you cant fucking stand him and he's always around. lol
Find the friend his/her own girlfriend ASAP so he/she will be otherwise occupied.
There's someone for everyone....well...usually.
Yeah, why is said friend always around? I understand if he and your sig other are good friends, but he ain't got no other people to be around/things to do?
Can we bring him to a happy hour known to be frequented by many singles? See if a few of those will knock him out. But if he tries to be all in the way and ignore the single ladies, something is up.
I cosign Nikki's comment because there are some things one will be willing to compromise on, but if the friend is adversely affecting our relationship, I might have to fall back because unless dude is willing to see my point of view; it's unlikely that he's gonna give up his friend for me.
Love!
RunningMom & Vdiz...lol!! Funny how the assumption is that the friend is single...and male.
Blu...very interesting. I dont think I expected some of these perspectives.
Wait til the three of you are in a room together and they say something annoying then yell out: "Damn, don't you have a hobby or some shit, what if we wanted to be fucking right now damn!!!!"
or something like that.
I haven't dealt with my s/o having a female friend that I didn't like. Male friends that I didn't like yes. I usually went to my room and closed the door when we lived together. Other times, I would go home when I realized the friend that I didn't like was a part of the party/event/outing. Dude always got the hint real quick that I didn't like his friend.
I assumed the friend was male in hopes that the blow-off would go smoother. But we can be so catty.
Is there some type of past between said friend and s/o? And does this friend have a history of relationship problems and always relies on him? Because if that is so, she just needs some damn counseling and he needs to quit enabling her.
Amadeo...Or some shit. hahahahahahaha
Nex...Dudes are easy to blow off like that. Theyre used to the rejection from women i guess. lol
VDiz...No past except that theyre super close. Talk all the time. Not sure about relationship issues, but they are both quite codependent.
All...so a good friend of mine has a bff. Theyve been really close for a long time. They used to work together at the same school. So even tho they dont work together anymore they still call eachother on the commute in to work every morning. Still call or text eachother btwn classes and shit. It's pretty much an all day type of thing.
But now that my friend is boo'd up, the SO is not feeling the friend. But my friend can sense that despite the shade there's a sensitivity to the friendship. It was there before there was a relationship.
At the same time, there has to be a balance, and my friend tries hard. But at the same time, the bff needs to also adhere to some boundaries now, yes?
Like, my friend went to florida last week. i got the initial "We made it safely" text. I responded with the standard "have fun, fuck yourselves blind, yadda yadda." but they didnt hear from me for the rest of the week. WTF for? Thats their time. They dont get a lot of it. They both work 2 jobs. 1 travels for work. But the bff, notsomuch.
So my friend is not sure what the expectations are in the dual lover/friend role.
For the record...my SO's best friend ROCKS and is only like the most insightful Real World theorist ever! Dont hate.
Kesi has had beef with a couple of my male friends. But they tried to put the moves on me. Sometimes he feels a lil 3rd wheelish when la is around, but I think we're over that now. Its never occurred vice versa.
Lmao@ real world bff.
Give them some model kits or something. My girl has sisters and friends that she calls and texts, but even they weren't hovering over our vacation from afar.
Shit, My main man, my ace got shot in the leg in November. People kept asking me how he's feeling (while they were all on the verge of tears). I'd be like, he cool...I mean we was talking about the Ravens draft picks so we didn't get into all of that. Maybe it's just us...but damn constant calling is like a crutch to me. Even when things happen...I save my stories, I don't need to tell everything as soon as it goes down.
I would mention it to the significant other. Than I would just try and spend very little time with the friend.
Joy...Now see, luckily that's not the case with my friend. She's in alesbo relationship and her bff is a gay man. lol However, I think that would be grounds for automatic termination.
Of course he feels 3rd wheelish with You & La. He's not You & La. Thats normal and a lot diff than La intruding on your shit.
Yo you'd LOVE the Real World bff!
Amadeo...awww, how is the Vixen? lol
lol @ Shot in the Leg Guy.
Eps...So mature you are. :)
PS...did you check out Edens? Next time I go Ill holler. It'll prob be next Thurs.
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