While I would normally find no greater joy than to rip this guy a new one, he's cool, and his dilemma's really not that bad at all. :)
Why then the venom? Cuz I'm back, nggaz.
Now. So a very charming, overwhelmingly self confident young man...let's call him "Cake"... sent me the following email:
"So I really ...really ....really like this girl. She has everything that any man would want in a wife, but settling down isn't for me right now but in like a few months...after I cut some things off (u know what I mean... [editor's note... he means he's got other pussy on his radar] ) I think i'll probably ask her to be my girlfriend... am I a bad person?"
At first I couldn't understand why Cake would feel like a bad person for coming to this admission. So I probed and got to the bottom of his issue...
1. He isnt sure that the whole one-woman-man role is for him.
2. He's made it very clear to this girl that he's single and mingling.
3. He wants to buy some time in order to chase cat before he commits to this particular girl
Where to begin...
First let me shout out the honorable Epsilonicus (and I hope he's not shy), who captured my attention and my genuine sympathy when he stated on his blog...
"I found a person I would like to spend the rest of my life with, I just dont want the rest of my life to start now." [ps...he's not "Cake"]
That's some real shit right there. He's young, but he's wise. But young. :(
Despite the youthful glean in my eyes and my overall annoying underage appeal, I'm not feeling so young these days. 30 is a stone's throw away. And I've been the girl in Cake's situation.
Yup that's me...Wise, The Dream Girl. The woman that any man...yadda yadda yadda. That's what My Dream Boy told me the day we met. That's what he told me the day he killed it...and then the day we reconnected and then the day I put a knife in it for good.
Thing is, he was that guy for me too...the guy I could see myself riding out with. Yadda, yadda, yadda...
So to me, when he came with that, "I still love you," shit, it is was just shit...bec it was followed by a "BUT."
Basically, Cake is saying, 'I want her...BUT I want her to wait while my dick simmers in a steamy stew of other brawds.'
I told Cake that this was actually one of the more sophisticated hustles you dudes have going. Any old muhfucker can't pull this one off. And to be sure, the Wonder Woman you sell it to must be of a particular breed as well.
Dude has to at least appear sincere. Perhaps it's bec he's not trying to bone me, but as talented and down to earth as he is, Cake has never appeared to me like anything more than in proud and constant pursuit of panties. A normal guy. So it took me a second to validate his claims.
However, the woman in question was far less perplexing. It is well documented that she is the proverbial "Fat Kid" in this scenario...she loves her some Cake.
Is Cake a bad guy? Hell naw, I don't think so.
But when he asked me what's so wrong with having his cake and eating it too, he became suspect.
This is the hustle. And it's almost foolproof...except I'm Wise, ngga! Can't fool me.
This goes quite well with the whole nice guy tactic, you know the one, offer the allusion of honesty (is it really honest if it's only 1/2 the truth?) and you will be exempt from any further explanation, responsibility and accountability.
If you tell her you're single, she has no choice but to allow you to plow thru piles of puss.
Tell her you really like her, but aren't ready to settle down...and you can stroke conscience-free, while she's somewhere emotionally distraught, mad that this is the consequence of having half of you. Never on her terms. Yours always.
Cake knows that he's leading her on, but he's got an alibi. The kicker though, is that he "really ...really ....really likes this girl."
So I'm not sure what to make of this. I'm not naive enough to believe that my own personal rationalization is sufficient. If I really ...really ....really like someone, I'm not concerned with the cock crosstown. That's just me.
Don't know what to tell him...cuz I know that too much cake sends me to the crapper.
*shoot me dead if I quote a gorilla with a speech impediment ever again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
28 comments:
I have to shake my head and laugh at yo boy Cake...No validation for this cat. He does not and I repeat does not really like that chick. Sounds like he's always looking for an upgrade. After a while there is only so much pussy you can manage. Besides like you said in this post only women who eat bird seed will fall this kind of Bull shit.
At least he's honest with himself and with that woman. But like always she'll fall for him, he'll get bored, see a better a sleeker model and trade her in.
Wise tell yo boy that Uncle Slishy said there is no such thing as weening yourself off of pussy.
When he's all grown up he'll understand what really liking a woman is all about.
Yeah, Wise. I have been that chick too. The Fat Kid...
It took me a minute, as I was much younger and a hell of a lot less wise back then.
If he "really, really likes her", he should man the hell up and walk away...'cause she won't. She will think if she waits it out and is cool enough he'll come around. And as we both know, that's bullsh*t.
He doesn't reallyx3 like this chick. Maybe the thought of the "chick", the possibilities of the "chick"...but not THIS chick.
I can understand his "hustle" his "game" but he's not truthful with himself. I've never fell for it only because... I was probably doing the same shit he was...too many men out there for me to settle down with one.
I've dated guys I liked...liked alot. However, they were never on my radar as life-time material. They were taking up time & space.
Cake's chick probably has some charcteristics that he would love his real woman or wife to have...but just because she has them doesn't mean she's the one.
...and like Slish said...no weening himself from the pussy. They gonna want it always.
Spoken like a true man who aint effing up the good thing he's got going. Well said, Slish.
Jonzee..Thank you. You and I both know, and Cake knows too, that this chick sees this as a forever thing, no way in hell she's gonna stray too far, no matter what the hell he does. Sad but true. Even if Cake explains to her that they're not together, and she nods her head a thousand different ways, he still knows sin his heart that she's holding out hope. If they just boning, that's on her...but if he really likes her, he won't take advantage of her vulnerability.
Blah says..."no weening himself from the pussy. They gonna want it always."
Exactly.
Now in Cake's defense, there are some other legitimate issues that I didn't mention, that have him a bit confused. But overall I think you're right, he's not being totally honest with himself or the chick. I am of the belief that if he really likes her, the confusion would be about the other issues, and not about being out on a stroll a couple months longer.
The sad part about this is that it's a win situation for Cake only. You hit it right when you said he'll get a pass because he told her up front that he is not ready to settle down. She'll take that and think that she'll be the one to change his mind. He'll hit it for a while and get bored and move on. She should hit him with the line "I think we should just be friends". I wish this blogging stuff had been around when I was the Fat Kid falling for stuff like this.
"First let me shout out the honorable Epsilonicus (and I hope he's not shy), who captured my attention and my genuine sympathy when he stated on his blog...
'I found a person I would like to spend the rest of my life with, I just dont want the rest of my life to start now.' [ps...he's not "Cake"]
That's some real shit right there. He's young, but he's wise. But young. :("
He ain't shy. But you're right he's young.
"Cake has never appeared to me like anything more than in proud and constant pursuit of panties. A normal guy."
Dang, can't he and his circumstances just be an aberration and not the norm.
"If I really ...really ....really like someone, I'm not concerned with the cock crosstown. That's just me."
Amen.
y'know. Slish nailed it right there.
Whats disappointing is Cake acutally belives the shit coming out of his mouth. which means he actually thinks he really likes this girl- but he doesnt.
and y'know what else?- the fat kid aint to smart none. lifes too short ot pine for something you gotta share....
t.g.r
oh yea and ".cuz I know that too much cake sends me to the crapper."
sooooo....would that be cheese cake, angel food, chocolate fudge.....
Philly Philly...maybe if this were reversed, and Cake was the female I might change my tune. Perhaps bec Cake is a guy we have preconceived notions about his intentions and his desires. But then, shouldn't we? As you and Ii both know from experience, guys been doing this shit forever. And with glowing results I'm sure. It's ugly, but in the end I'm sure Cake will emerge largely unscathed, and the Fat Kid...well she'll never give the next man a freezerpop's chance in Hades. Sick cycle folks!
CNelly says..."But you're right he's young."
Which is why I so feel for you boys. Everything feels amplified at that age, including his feelings I'm sure. He's in a tough situation, but more times than not at your age decisions are based on instant gratification...so my prediction is they'll get back and be cool, def by the time school starts up again. And they should!
"Dang, can't he and his circumstances just be an aberration and not the norm."
I wish I could co-sign that one, baby! :(
Hey Rev...I agree, but lemme play El Diablo here for a sec...so you saying that a man can't be into a woman but still have the desire to smash others?
PS...All of the above. :)
this touches way to close to home ... and what hurts my pride more than anything is wondering if perhaps i have allowed myself to be the "fat kid"...
Maybe it's just me, but I think life can be pretty simple most of the time. Treat people how you wanna be treated. Would he want someone who he really liked to dangle him around while they fucked every dude around? I don't think so. And that chick needs to stand up for herself. I only accept half a dude when that's all I want. If I want it all and they only want to offer half I bounce.
I'm in a pretty similar situation as Cake.Mine is a little different but I do see where he is coming from and I see where he's fukkin up...
I don't think its anything wrong with him not wanting to settle down. And unlike everybody else I don't doubt that he likes the chick. I just think that he needs to figure out how important bangin these other chicks are to him. Depending on that answer he should either tell the girl about his Coming to America mission or get up solely with the fat child.
As for the Chick... I think she's approaching this like a risk reward hole in golf. For the extreme payoff you have to take the extreme risk. So her risk is that he meets and runs off with one of these jump-offs over her.
Obviously and I've been in a situation like hers before that she feels that he's the best thing since...well sliced cake. So she's willing to take that risk and hopes that the reward will be just as great as she believes it will be.
But tell ya boy he's not a bad person he just needs to take things into perspective.
*Dead* @ a quoting a Gorilla with a speech impediment...LMAO!
All I can say to this here "Cake" is evenutally he's going to get tired and Ole' Girl will be long gone. It's the way life goes...men fuk around and when their ready the girl of their dreams has long since bounced.
Tell "Cake" that if he thinks she is a good catch, trust and know someone else will think she's a great catch. One man's trash is another man's treasure.
I am so thankful I never have been a fan of desserts...cake, cookies, pies...wierd as it sounds, I've never had a desire for none of them.
AI...Believe me, it brought up some old personal shit for me too. I hope you're not being the Fat Kid. I Guess the thing to keep in perspective is what you want. If you want to be wifey, then don't accept just being one of many receptacles. Take control of your situation. Dont ever put iit in the hands of someone who is unsure of what you know!
MJJ...You're soooo right. You know if the tables were turned Cake wouldn't be trying to hear this nonsense from her. I have a feeling he's probably already gone thru that kind of heartbreak...and is relishing his current power position.
But if the Jordan were on the other foot, Cake wouldn't be sitting around waiting on the chick either.
Young Montez...I don't think dude is bad at all. Misguided perhaps. I also dont think there's anything wrong with not wanting to settle down...what's wrong is not breaking it off with the chick who is emotionally attached, on the basis that "she knew I wasn't ready." He know exactly what he's doing and that's immature. Fa reals.
As for her risk/reward...this aint no damn lottery! This is someone's heart. Hear Cake tell it, she's a top of the line Fat Kid...she is obviously worth more than a risk. And she is being naive if she thinks that the potential heartbreak from this risk won't be far greater than the potential reward...esp since she may not be privy to all of Cake's intentions.
RD...Is it me or do mad dudes from NY (particularly Brooklyn) sound like they should've been in speech class in grade school? Good lawd! lol
I digress...
"Tell "Cake" that if he thinks she is a good catch, trust and know someone else will think she's a great catch. One man's trash is another man's treasure."
I suggested that, and he confidently reiterated that she aint going nowhere. Part cocky/part Fat Kid affirmation...which is what really bugs me about this. I cannot imagine relinquishing this much control to a man who is not already MINE.
Wise, thank you for shouting me out. I am only shy around beautiful women ;) That quote is copywrited so I need 10 dollars from every person who has used my quote!! ;) Hahahaha
I obviously understand where Cake is coming from. I am in a simillar situation. The difference is that I have no other girls I want to bone. Being with one person for a long time is scary. It scares the hell outta me for sure. I just think Cake needs to go and explore.
For my situation, its just different. I need to find out why I fear commitment and how to get rid of it. I am taking suggestions.
@ Epsilonicus. At least you know that you are afraid of commitment, that's the first step. And taking the next step to get rid of it.. POWERFUL
ya boy cake don't really really like her. he likes her. he thinks she's cool and he would prefer if she would hang around. if he really really liked her, like you said he wouldn't be worried abt it. so he needs to just move on so she can too.
BULLSHIT!
i fucking HATE when folk lead folk on. what kind of childish shit is that?? i'm sorry, but that shit just ain't cool.
Everybody sounds like they mad at this cat, so I guess it takes somebody who don't give a fuck to take his side.
Most women get madder at a cat telling 1/2 the truth than they do at a complete fuckin' liar. I don't know why, that's just the way it is. A muthafucka could have a wife and 23 babies tucked away somewhere and flat out lie about it and he won't catch as much venom as the dude just looking to keep the relationship "open".
So now he's catching flack for being young and not knowing what he wants. I prefer to give him credit for knowing what he DOESN'T want, and that is to be in a committed relationship.
If he wants my fucking advice (which he probably doesn't or anybody else's for that matter, Karma's involved, so it's probably best to cop to the fact you just wanna smash out. Any decision she makes from then on is hers to make, eyes wide open.
KZ
For some strange reason men still believe that women want to be "lied to" , "spared the harsh rality of the truth" that a man is out there fukking other women or making babies with other women. BULL SHIT
I co-sign with Nikki.
Tell a sister the truth, face the rath, and then get past the shit and saved it or leave it alone. PERIOD
That's supposed to be *REALITY*
Oh and Wrath is spelled with a W.
I can't spell when I get excited LMAO
this line is instant classic :dick simmers in a steamy stew of other brawds I couldn't read the rest I kept trying to think of ways to put that into a "normal" sentence....1
your boy cake is dillusional.. please slap the shit out of him.. thanks.
I gotta agree with Knockout Zed... On the real though, this guy is just like most guys out there... and if the girl is willing to wait around for him, then that's on her... I've been in a similar situation, I heard all the BS about you're the one I want to take home to meet my mama and crap, and you better believe when i figured it (which didn't take very long)... i was outta there...
And yeah, i'm a bit more defensive now, but much wiser than before... Guys are always going to push a girl as far as she lets them... when i see a guy starting to act crazy, i bring it up...i can't deal with the BS or the drama...
To Cake, if you honestly are feeling this chick as much as you claim, you'd cut all the BS and treat her right... and if you can't do that, then leave the girl alone and let her do her own thing... you defintely don't wanna her resenting you cause you did her dirty....
Esp...Oh my little Eps...look at all these beautiful sistas up in here...you must be pissing your pants right now. lol
Of course the thought of one person is scary...esp at your age. And honestly, I dont think you should even be thinking that right now. Seems to be sabotaging what you've got going on. But truly be honest with yourself, and get to the bottom of the commitment thing. Is that what you really fear, or is it just a convenient explanation? Could it stem from your relationship with your parents or their relationship? Have you ever been heartbroken before? Chances are there's something hidden in your heart that is making you react this way. Chin up!
Nikki...Is it an age thing? Bec at my age I have the very same adverse reaction to this type of thing...and yet Cake is so very cavalier about it.
KZ says "Most women get madder at a cat telling 1/2 the truth than they do at a complete fuckin' liar."
Or is it that dudes see any crumb of truth as a lesser crime, and therefore should receive less venom from the chick? Y'all always act like bec you're telling some truth that we shouldn't be mad.
As for Cake, he knows exactly what he wants, he knows its shady, and yet he knows she'll still be around so he's gonna do it.
Philly says "For some strange reason men still believe that women want to be "lied to" , "spared the harsh rality of the truth" that a man is out there fukking other women or making babies with other women. BULL SHIT"
Yet another lame hustle, where dudes turn it back on us for being mad when they lie. WHen in essence most times when they know they've fcuked up, they delay telling bec they "dont wanna hear her mouth"...as if she's the one in the wrong. Dudes are effing pussies like that. Yeah, I said it. You Ii ibet y'all dont wanna hear my mouth eiither. :)
911 says "this line is instant classic :dick simmers in a steamy stew of other brawds I couldn't read the rest I kept trying to think of ways to put that into a "normal" sentence....1"
Ok, how's this for normal..."Dirty Dick". lol
EqOpp...Will do! ;)
Dis says "On the real though, this guy is just like most guys out there... and if the girl is willing to wait around for him, then that's on her"
I agree, but the reality is that some chicks, esp young ones, are needy, impressionable and gullible. And if he really cares about he wouldn't take advantage of that.
That's the bottomline here...he's in control of an impressionable girl who is going to hold on no matter what...and in the process is going to lose a lot of self-respect, trust, and tears...and that's exactly the woman he is going to inherit. I hope the extra twat is worth it!
Dammit, Cake.
I don't understand this "I-want-her-to-wait-around" thing that some guys do. Have you heard that new LL Cool J song, where's he's asking his girl to "just freeze"? No, fool!
I'm a firm believer in that when a man wants you, he will make it known and make it happen. No using other girl, wild oats, uncontrollable urges as an excuse. And the key word here being MAN.
(Sidebar: Eps, I think you'd be an exception, because your hesistation has more substance behind it than just trying to see how many girls you can knock down.)
If you wanna spend your time knocking down chicks, fine, but don't look for a girlfriend. If you want a girlfriend, don't go looking for chicks to knock down. I've been there, told "You're the prototype, you're so thorough, but I don't --"
No. Cut off. Right there. No use in waiting around for you to sort through your own confusion. Because what you're trying to put on layaway will be purchased at full price by someone else. Please believe.
Post a Comment