SHELL OF A MAN

My friend Curly is finally over her son’s father. The journey was like a bumpy ride through the old neighborhood now gentrified. A lot of neck craning. A lot of reminiscing. A lot of disbelief. And ultimately a tremendous growth that rendered her a new, whole woman.

Her kid’s almost 2 and she’s living back Upstate to raise him near her family, which means a definite downgrade in quality of life and similarly very slim pool of quality dudes. But there is a new man in her life that she is contemplating. This one is a winner…or a loser, depending on which way you view him.

He’s 28.

He’s a hometown boy (we LOVE hometown boys).

He’s an amazing graphic artist and gifted poet.

He’s childless.

He’s tall and handsome.

He’s fun, spontaneous, thoughtful, a deep thinker.

Don’t you love him already!

As we sat on the phone this evening for nearly two hours, as she was waiting for him to arrive at her crib, I was struck by the idea that guys insist that they are not all idiots. Some, like Hometown Boy, are quite caring and loyal, honest and ambitious. Affectionate and genuinely in search of a companion (not a meal ticket/trophy/whipping post).

“What I love about him is that he’s not trying to be all up ON me. He likes to be all hugged up, but he’s not a fcuking vulture. He’s not like those relentless nggas who act like they never had their dick sucked before.”

I feel her on that. And in some ways I think that trait separates the men from the boys.

Problem is, in many ways this man is still very much a boy.

His mom died when he was 14. His dad died not longer after. All he’s got in this world is an aloof grandmother and a handful of true friends.

He had a very serious girlfriend a few years back. They were planning a future together, until she announced that she was moving to Chi to go to school. And leaving him behind.

He still hasn’t recovered from that. Just like he hasn’t recovered from his stint as a teenage orphan.

His claim to fame is that he’s the hottest MC Upstate. Yuck, I know...but dude IS nice. When Curly first told me about him, I knew immediately who she was talking about, having seen him rip more than a few open mic nights and freestyles alongside platinum artists touring thru town (he damn near had Com.mon in tears with his flow).

All in all he’s a great guy. So yeah, gentlemen, you’re right. There are indeed a few of you left out there hanging tough. And women should recognize that. We should give the good guys a chance instead of the jerks that get mad burn in our rotations.

But at what point does a good guy become a liability? Or worse yet, not worth the good?

Hometown Boy has a bit of a hustle.and.flow complex happening. He believes in his art. He moved to NYC without knowing anyone, not long after he got played by Chi chick. He was living outside the city with some people who didn’t have his back, had a tough time and soon found himself back Upstate. Everyone knows him at home, and he produces his own music in pursuit of that elusive big break.

Yes, I did say 28.

He works a temp job 4 days a week, doesn’t have a car, lives with a couple who is family to him, and the computer he does his music on just crashed.

Hometown’s had a lifetime of hard times.

But he’s still a great guy. A shell of a man, who could be whole, given the right opportunities.

My friend likes him a lot, but loves herself more. She realizes that she needs more out of a partner. I mean, the word partner suggests that both have something to offer. Right now, all he got for Curly is a few bars.

I already know the answer. So does she. But what I don’t know is if I will have the same answer 5, 10 years from now (bec my answer would have been the opposite 5, 10 years ago). If I wont see the shell of a man as a valuable investment. A missed opportunity. Particularly if he’s a good man. Conventional wisdom says that if you’re in the market, you set your sights on the brand new developments. Rehabs and fixer ups aren’t worth the trouble…no matter how detailed and gorgeous the craftsmanship and original woodwork.

But is the convention correct? I dunno, cuz truthfully, I seen too many foreclosures on these so-called desirable dudes. The gentrified real estate, if you will. They’re fantastic on paper, have great curb appeal, yet lack the durability to satisfy the buyer longterm.

Chances are Hometown will never blow up as the next Mos.Def. But he’s likely to blow up into a whole man. A good, long-lasting, whole man.

A steal at the current market value.