Thursday, July 26, 2007

i HEART white women

Just like the rest of civilization, I HEART white women. Ok that was very general, and a bit misleading. You know how black folks got white women that the community embraces? Ya know like Tina Marie, Ricki Lake, Judge Judy, Erica Cane from offa the stories, Martha Munizzi, the Chief from offa (do white folks say 'from offa'??) NY Undercover (not to be confused with the white lady from In Liv!ng Col0ur, who we also love).

Wendy.




The list goes on.

Well I have my own favs for my own personal reasons…and since white women are having a pretty rough year, what with so much attention being paid to illegals and hypersexual black women with unruly natural hair and Ar@b extremists; and then that psycho scorned astronaut chick who drove cross country in pullups casting ridicule on white women everywhere...

I'd like to pay homage and present...

My Top 5 White Women of All Time…

1. Amy Grant

Ok, for real, for real, AG is the inspiration for this post. I been rocking her HARD in the car for the past week.

Little Known Wise History Fact: Growing up the whole neighborhood went to the non-denominational church on the corner, meaning mostly white folks. And all my friends and I used to go to white church camp (I’m not talking about Vaca Bible School down at the Pentecostal, either).

This is where I was introduced and immediately began hearting AG. Like no lie, if I were to ever run into her down at the Walm@rt I would go nuts. And if ever a bride I am destined to be, there’s this AG song I’m pretty sure will accompany my sashay down the aisle.

No, I’m really not kidding. I HEART her so!

2. Julie Andrews

Ummm, I got three words for you…”Raindrops on roses…”
Enough said.

No it’s really not enough. Just like it wasn’t enough for her to be a pain in the Captain’s edelweiss…chick was also Mary effing P0ppins. Now, I don’t even mess with MP like that, but SOM is my fav movie of all time. Hands down. And she was brilliant.

She.Made.Clothes.For.Six.Bad.Ass.Kids.Out.Of.A.Curtain.

And they’re dad had dough! She’s no gold digger and that’s why I heart her.


3. The Golden Girls, but esp Betty White and Bea Arthur

And yes, they collectively count as one single selection. These chicks were divorcees and widows and they have martini night out on South Beach, and they said (i'm pretty sure it was Dorothy's idea)... you know what, this Miami real estate game is getting CRAZY. Yall wanna split up this rent? And they did the damn thing. (I can’t believe I just said ‘did the damn thing.’ But see, that’s what white women will do to you. Have you talking all out of sorts and such.)

And the GGs weren’t no catty broads either. I only remember one time they ever fought over a dude (ok, and FEW times Dorothy and Blanche bought the same dress to wear to the ball). These ladies used to bring it on home every night, fire up some warm milk and gather round the kitchen table and talk shit.

Dorothy was the brains but also the master of the straightfaced one-liner...while Rose was perhaps the greatest television idiot of all time.

And stucking with TV for a moment longer...

4. Charlotte Rae

You may know her as the quick witted foil to young G@ry Coleman.

That's right...
Mrs. Garrett.

Whatever, I’m partial to the nurturing white matriarch, or the “Whammy,” as I like to call her. She’s basically Nell Car.ter, only pale. I’m not sure if she’s dead or alive, but damn if she didn’t star in TWO hit sitcoms. That right there is the height of stardom to me. Sherman Helmsley did it. Andy Griffith did it. Robert Guillaume did it. But they didn’t do it like Mrs. Garrett!

I mean, much like Bens0n, she went from being the help, to being the boss. And in both capacities, Mrs. G. never made the knucklehead ass kids feel small for their transgressions. That meant a lot to a youngster like me with little to no supervision and no restrictions on hours of tv viewing. So Mrs. G, this one’s for you! (But if someone can take a second and goog her and find out if she had Park!nsons…cause she sure used to shake a lot.)

5. Susan B. Anthony [If the name’s not familiar, you probably failed 8th grade history (or you’re not from America), so just skip this one.]

SBA is close to my heart bec she lived most of her life in my hometown and her house still stands and fittingly, is kind of in the hood. Not only was she the first woman on American currency, but she also voted in an election before women had the right to vote. She just walked down there and dared them not to let her do it. Well, they let her, but the jakes came knocking at her door and locked her ass up that day. Her and Frederick Dougl@ss were mad cool. While most historical evidence points to her being a big lezbo, I think she was secretly into black guys.

Oh man, I could go on and on. Honorable mention shouts to:

Ellen Degen (she sure has fast feet, and she’s loves her BET)

Wonder Woman (tho, aint she part Puerto Rican?)

Kathy Griff/Jules Roberts (been HEARTING redheads ever since I saw Annie)

Chris Everett Ll0yd (Gotta HEART a tough white woman athlete with a red face and sweaty bangs)

Queen El!z (did you know she served in WWI as a mechanic?? And punk ass Prince Har.ry won't go to Ir@q?? She’s just so gangsta to me) And she’s a really good actress cuz I saw her movie Queen last year. lol

Fion.Apple/Sara.Maclachlan/Tori.Amos (who under Lil Kim's leadership, helped put me thru college)

Tip Gore (anyone who calls out studio thugs is alrite with me)

That white lady teacher who got killed in the Challenger (you KNOW your class watched that shit during Social Studies and your teacher got really flustered when it blew up, and then you had a shool-wide assembly to "make sense of what we just witnessed")

Heidi Klum or any other white woman with a black guy for a husband (bec I know it cant be easy being called a ngger lover)

So which white women do you heart, and why?

30 comments:

Izz said...

Great love expressed you knw that. Well done. It's not easy and it's seen as sissy to express the love for other people. And ironically, when we don't express love to others, we denying ourselves love for love shared is love given back. Charlize Theron is my white woman of note. Not that she is South African but because I find her to be down to earth amidst the glam of Hollywood.

Great blog. Will be back for more. Keep em rolling. Izz

Jameil said...

you are an ASS!! Wendy. enough!! ellen's def. one of my fave white women. kathy has a standup called kathy.grffin: strong black woman. LMAO!! she's insane. JULIE ANDREWS IS THE SHIT!! edelwise is my jump off. that's the joint, that's the jam, turn it up and play it again! that's all i got for now.

Amadeo said...

Molly Brown and Amy Winehouse...just cause she said, "Fuckery".

Anonymous said...

Linsay Lo...'cause I like skanky white chicks who make fools of themselves..I know I know I know she's young...and that's her "pass" but damn... she's like a car wreck (no pun intended).

All the white chicks on that new reality show with Brett Michaels... ummm...because of the same reason as LinsayLo...but to the umpteenth degree.

Mrs. Garrett called Joan Collins a bitch on E! a few months back...she looked like the crazy old lady who has about 68 cats.

The white chick from Hustle & Flow... she was a down ass white broad. Always sweaty and greasy looking but down none the less.

Angelina Jolie because she's gangsta! She sets her sight on a man and goes for what she knows. Better yet if said man has a wife...'cause again...she's gangsta. Taking men and saving babies and tongue kissing her brother... *rolling eyes"

"White Chicks"...they were HOT!...oh wait...that was the Wayans brothers.

bloopty!

Anonymous said...
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So...Wise...Sista said...

Izz...Charlize is dope...but mostly cuz of the whole South Africa thing. lol Good choice.

Jameil...What! Wendy is by and large the most celebrated Dubb in the community.

Amadeo...DEF cool points for fuckery...ANd for being a drunk...AND for having Ghost rip that remix...AND cuz Im kinda obsessed with 'Love is a Losing Game' *sigh*

Blah...As usual, you've given me a lot to work with here...

Fire Crotch has outstayed her welcome. 1 DUI is a fun top story, but 2???

Somehow insane white girls fighting for an insane white man just doesnt have the same *umpf* as with the Of Colors.

Another reason Mrs. G. has a special place in my heart!

Funny how after a couple UN babies I had completely forgotten how she debo'd homegirl's husband. wow. She's in...overlooking the incest of course.

White Chicks...I'll take Shawn. lol

La said...

Omg I LOVE Amy Grant!!! She has this song called "Little Red Boat" that got my thru my senior year. I was never so big on Julie Andrews though. Yay Ellen! Wonder Woman was Mexican. Her maiden name was Cordova. Oh how I love fiona. And Alanis Morisette is my girl. Anyone that can put a story about giving a guy head in a movie theater in a song is alright w/me. My fav white women... Rachel Ray, Angelina, Ashley Judd, and my 4th grade math teacher Mrs. Sarullo.

Adei von K said...

i had a post called down with WGs (girls i called them) I will give you golden girls... dorothy is my NIG! She's italian :-)

fave WG... I didn't know queen liz was a mechanic? like that! fave WG... jen anniston??

So...Wise...Sista said...

La...Just when I was at an all time high of crushatude (Amy Grant), you crush my heart like a beer can (Julie Andrews). ::deep breath::

Aww, Mrs. Sarullo! Remember that one time, the class had a bake sale...
lol

Stace...Yeah the Queen is no joke. Any woman in any war is a hero of mine.

And I see you were rocking the Team Anny tee, huh?

Anonymous said...

Kelly Clarkson is my dawg.
Love me some Michelle Pfeiffer.
Molly Ringwald was the shit.
Gabrielle Reese - tall girls rule!
Annnddd, lets see......Faith Hill!

Anonymous said...

This was a GREAT post, by the way. :)

So...Wise...Sista said...

BGood...Clarkson's my girl!

michelle pfeif...i think i prob resented her after Dangerous "white woman saves the negros" Minds. lol

Molly Ringwald...queen of the 80s!

GReese DEF falls into the "sporty spice" category, as does Summer Sanders.

Faith Hill is cool too. a fine husband doesnt hurt!

1969 said...

I am sooo stealing this and will post my favorite's on Monday. You are a genius!!!!!

DurtyMo said...

*crackin up* You did NOT put WENDY on your list! hahaahha!!!

So...Wise...Sista said...

1969 says..."I am sooo stealing this"
We're even. :)

Durtymo...Yes ma'am. Why yall sleeping on Wendy? She done fed a lot of black azzes...for $5 or less at that! lol

La said...

Awwww I'm sorry. Its just something about a white woman flying that doesn't sit well with me... lol.

However, let's talk about how Tim McGraw could get it...

CNEL said...

My fav white women, the teachers or professors I've had in nearly 16 years of school.

On the celebrity level :
Meredith Vieira -cause she did "The View" and "Today",
Meryl Streep -cause of all her movies esp. "The Devil Wears Prada"
Geena Davis- for "Commander in Chief"
Pat Summitt - for being "the best college basketball coach" period
Nancy Pelosi - for being the first woman speaker of the House and for being from Bmore, she keeps it gangsta

Honorable Mention: Elizabeth Vargas (though she's mixed) for getting played by Charlie Gibson and playing her cards right

Anonymous said...

Amy Winehouse!! That White chick is insane. She got a whole lotta swagger!!!

Angelina Jolie - She is a bona fide freak.

Princess Diana - She had sooo much class. She did so much for the poor of the world.

So...Wise...Sista said...

LA...Flying white women are a no go...but homewreckers are ok?

True. I see ur point.

CNelly...I must cosing on Vieira (she just missed making the list), and PSum. Great choices

Epsi...You back from the gutter-dig, baby??

Im a fan of ADubb...but much moreso without ever having to see her.

Princess gets a pass too. Land mines and such.

Anonymous said...

julie andrews girl dont even go there ... i wont lie and say that at least once a week i dont listen to the sountrack in my car ... have the golden girls t shirt that i rock shamelessly ... Rachel Ray another white girl i love have never made one of her means and had it taste bad ... Maggie Gyllenhaal... i love her ... but movies and sense of style... oh and ms amy winehouse ... cause shes real as all get out ... and that goes right in after the mary poppins soundtrack!

Virtuous said...

LMAO! @ Julie Andrews curtain comment! LOL

And I love me some GGs!! I just bought the bundle pack of all 7 seasons!

La said...

Lmao! Ok I shoulda specified pre-Brad Angie

So...Wise...Sista said...

Amber...Holy crap, there's a reward out for a GG tee, i'll throw in extra cash if it has just Dorothy!

I know RR is a blogger fav. She's a nutbag, and thats always fun to watch.

Wineh0use is a gem.

MGyll, uhhh, she has a hot brother! lol


Virtuous...Wow. The bundle?? JEALOUS!!!


LA...Whatev, pre, post she's dope. lol

Miz JJ said...

Fave white girls:

Lilly Allen--I am over Amy Winehouse. Bring on Lilly Allen!

Definitely Kathy Griffen. She is funny and self-depricating. Loves it.

Madonna back when she made Truth or Dare. I was so in love with her. Not so much the new British version.

So...Wise...Sista said...

MJJ...Awwww, from one drunk white woman to another. Lilly's quite a mess. lol

You dont love British Mad0nna?? She's fantastic! Even her teeth are starting to look more jacked up. lol

expressions of mirth said...

It's Chanel...I have to say, as a black boarding school grad, I kinda wish I had a Mrs. G around. Call me Tootie, though, and I'll have to cut you! ;)

If you heart Julie Andrews (and I love SOM), check out The Princess Diaries. It's a fun little flick, and definitely a guilty pleasure.

As for cool white women, Shirley Manson of Garbage is pretty much the definition of awesome to me.

Sherlon Christie said...

Rue Mcclanahan...from the Golden Girls. She made that show!

So...Wise...Sista said...

Chanel!! You shoulda went to Eastland, girlie!! lol

Shirley Manson is hot. She's def a fav, as is Annie Lenox. Told yall I love my Dubs redheaded. lol

SPC...Rue was a formidable TV whore. One of the greatest. It's crazy cuz you could argue for any one of them broads and be right. lol

expressions of mirth said...

You wanna hear something funny? I knew a LOT of girls at all-girls schools, and they all said they were more fun because they didn't have to waste time getting cute for the boys, etc. I now realize how naive I was to believe them, but that's okay. Duuuh.

chanel

Sissy said...

"Wendy is by and large the most celebrated Dubb in the community"

I'm HOLLERIN' over here. This post and the comments are 2 drops of pee funny! ROFLMAO

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