i HEART white women

Just like the rest of civilization, I HEART white women. Ok that was very general, and a bit misleading. You know how black folks got white women that the community embraces? Ya know like Tina Marie, Ricki Lake, Judge Judy, Erica Cane from offa the stories, Martha Munizzi, the Chief from offa (do white folks say 'from offa'??) NY Undercover (not to be confused with the white lady from In Liv!ng Col0ur, who we also love).

Wendy.




The list goes on.

Well I have my own favs for my own personal reasons…and since white women are having a pretty rough year, what with so much attention being paid to illegals and hypersexual black women with unruly natural hair and Ar@b extremists; and then that psycho scorned astronaut chick who drove cross country in pullups casting ridicule on white women everywhere...

I'd like to pay homage and present...

My Top 5 White Women of All Time…

1. Amy Grant

Ok, for real, for real, AG is the inspiration for this post. I been rocking her HARD in the car for the past week.

Little Known Wise History Fact: Growing up the whole neighborhood went to the non-denominational church on the corner, meaning mostly white folks. And all my friends and I used to go to white church camp (I’m not talking about Vaca Bible School down at the Pentecostal, either).

This is where I was introduced and immediately began hearting AG. Like no lie, if I were to ever run into her down at the Walm@rt I would go nuts. And if ever a bride I am destined to be, there’s this AG song I’m pretty sure will accompany my sashay down the aisle.

No, I’m really not kidding. I HEART her so!

2. Julie Andrews

Ummm, I got three words for you…”Raindrops on roses…”
Enough said.

No it’s really not enough. Just like it wasn’t enough for her to be a pain in the Captain’s edelweiss…chick was also Mary effing P0ppins. Now, I don’t even mess with MP like that, but SOM is my fav movie of all time. Hands down. And she was brilliant.

She.Made.Clothes.For.Six.Bad.Ass.Kids.Out.Of.A.Curtain.

And they’re dad had dough! She’s no gold digger and that’s why I heart her.


3. The Golden Girls, but esp Betty White and Bea Arthur

And yes, they collectively count as one single selection. These chicks were divorcees and widows and they have martini night out on South Beach, and they said (i'm pretty sure it was Dorothy's idea)... you know what, this Miami real estate game is getting CRAZY. Yall wanna split up this rent? And they did the damn thing. (I can’t believe I just said ‘did the damn thing.’ But see, that’s what white women will do to you. Have you talking all out of sorts and such.)

And the GGs weren’t no catty broads either. I only remember one time they ever fought over a dude (ok, and FEW times Dorothy and Blanche bought the same dress to wear to the ball). These ladies used to bring it on home every night, fire up some warm milk and gather round the kitchen table and talk shit.

Dorothy was the brains but also the master of the straightfaced one-liner...while Rose was perhaps the greatest television idiot of all time.

And stucking with TV for a moment longer...

4. Charlotte Rae

You may know her as the quick witted foil to young G@ry Coleman.

That's right...
Mrs. Garrett.

Whatever, I’m partial to the nurturing white matriarch, or the “Whammy,” as I like to call her. She’s basically Nell Car.ter, only pale. I’m not sure if she’s dead or alive, but damn if she didn’t star in TWO hit sitcoms. That right there is the height of stardom to me. Sherman Helmsley did it. Andy Griffith did it. Robert Guillaume did it. But they didn’t do it like Mrs. Garrett!

I mean, much like Bens0n, she went from being the help, to being the boss. And in both capacities, Mrs. G. never made the knucklehead ass kids feel small for their transgressions. That meant a lot to a youngster like me with little to no supervision and no restrictions on hours of tv viewing. So Mrs. G, this one’s for you! (But if someone can take a second and goog her and find out if she had Park!nsons…cause she sure used to shake a lot.)

5. Susan B. Anthony [If the name’s not familiar, you probably failed 8th grade history (or you’re not from America), so just skip this one.]

SBA is close to my heart bec she lived most of her life in my hometown and her house still stands and fittingly, is kind of in the hood. Not only was she the first woman on American currency, but she also voted in an election before women had the right to vote. She just walked down there and dared them not to let her do it. Well, they let her, but the jakes came knocking at her door and locked her ass up that day. Her and Frederick Dougl@ss were mad cool. While most historical evidence points to her being a big lezbo, I think she was secretly into black guys.

Oh man, I could go on and on. Honorable mention shouts to:

Ellen Degen (she sure has fast feet, and she’s loves her BET)

Wonder Woman (tho, aint she part Puerto Rican?)

Kathy Griff/Jules Roberts (been HEARTING redheads ever since I saw Annie)

Chris Everett Ll0yd (Gotta HEART a tough white woman athlete with a red face and sweaty bangs)

Queen El!z (did you know she served in WWI as a mechanic?? And punk ass Prince Har.ry won't go to Ir@q?? She’s just so gangsta to me) And she’s a really good actress cuz I saw her movie Queen last year. lol

Fion.Apple/Sara.Maclachlan/Tori.Amos (who under Lil Kim's leadership, helped put me thru college)

Tip Gore (anyone who calls out studio thugs is alrite with me)

That white lady teacher who got killed in the Challenger (you KNOW your class watched that shit during Social Studies and your teacher got really flustered when it blew up, and then you had a shool-wide assembly to "make sense of what we just witnessed")

Heidi Klum or any other white woman with a black guy for a husband (bec I know it cant be easy being called a ngger lover)

So which white women do you heart, and why?