I’m putting Black boys on the market... mainly because I'm bored with their logic. Consider this like a red-tag sale, where only those marked are up for grabs. I wouldn’t dare give them all away. And there’s no need to actually go through and mark the ones that are discounted…we all know who they are. They are in my immediate dating pool, and I don’t feel like wading through the bullshit. That was soooo immediate-post-college.I earned my certification to negotiate such transactions by virtue of being prematurely generalized and labeled a “problem,” “a liability,” “dramatic,” “controlling,” “independent,” “opinionated,” “ugly,” “insensitive,” “emasculating,” and “sexually repressed,” among other serious offenses. You see, I'm a convicted Sista.
SOME Black boys are “allegedly” like Ron Artest…they are beautiful and brilliant, amazingly talented, and hard working. SOME can also be unfocused and immature. Unsure of their desires. They kick azz and ask questions later, get suspended, fined, (or arrested and fired), lose money, lose credibility, lose their way…
And SOME sistas are like Donnie Walsh and the Pacers…lending support, defending him, making excuses, allowing him to still practice with the team, while he's relentlessly maligned at work, in the press, in society.
And what do SOME brothas do in return? They say they’re worth more than the Pacers/Sistas are paying; they have superstar talent and capabilities, and they feel that they’re holding the team back…except in reality that's usually verbalized as something like, “I need to explore ALL my options.”
So instead of bickering, instead of being “put on alert” and threatened that I can be replaced, instead of continuing to patiently endure the inane, contradictory, and largely unnecessary justifications, I’m setting you boys free. Putting you up on the blocks just like in the old days, and see how much I can get for your sorry azzes. Because the message I hear is that you’re for sale.But just for clarification’s sake…
Yes, SOME sistas DO take issue with brothas traipsing the alternate route through Ghosttown. Why? Here are a few reasons…
Y’all LOVE blaming us for your decision to go there.
Y’all LOVE blaming us for your decision to go there.
Y’all LOVE blaming us for your decision to go there.
Y’all LOVE blaming us for your decision to go there.
Y’all LOVE blaming us for your decision to go there.
Sistas don’t have shit to do with that…so please stop.
Do you have any friends who you’ve just seriously outgrown? Every time you speak to them you realize it’s always a sorry spin-off of the same conversations you’ve been having for over a decade. I swear to you, that’s how I feel about this issue. Dudes been saying the same shit for YEARS and as we get older, all I ever want is to start being critical thinkers, if not intelligent ones. I’m so tired of having to explain to grown men the same things I had to break down to Burke in high school.....
Burke was (and dammit, still is) the finest boy in high school. And he knew it. He was such a problem. Curly, who is one of my best friends (and who reminds me a lot of her), went to school with him from Kindergarten thru HS and she was (and still is) in love with him.
I’ll never forget sitting in the Senior cafeteria as sophomores when Burke says, “I don’t mess with black girls at all. They’re too mouthy.”
He then chronicles a brief stint talking to one of the “sassiest”* girls in our school, who also happens to be quite attractive and outgoing and smart.
I say to him, “So that experience represents experiences with all sistas?”
He says, YES.
I tell him he’s an idiot for excluding his own race, but refrain from references of self-hate, cuz I know it will go right over his head. I respect his right to date whomever he desires, but openly ridicule his ignorance, since he openly expresses it.
So who was Burke’s cup of tea? Kiera, this white girl from his JR high school. She was the doting daughter of a doctor, whose love and obsession with Burke rivaled Curly’s. Burke was a star athlete who rocked a lot of fly sports gear, Jordans, whole nine, courtesy of Kiera’s allowance. She was neither attractive, nor smart or outgoing. Not exactly a plain jane, but definitely a girl with identity issues.
She didn’t go to our high school, but we all knew her, because in social situations she’d follow behind him clutching a granny pocketbook, wearing her soccer mom tapered jeans, nitpicking and nagging. She held his bulging biceps like the jaws of life, neck whipping in obsessive compulsive succession, eying anyone eyeing her man. I say this not to berate her, but to say that I believe she mirrored her own mother…who, incidentally the doctor Dad had just divorced.
She also seemed to mirror what she believed was black culture. She bought her way in with all the Jodeci, SWV and 2Pac CDs. Was a Cross Colours, Karl Kani and U-Men fiend...matching from scrunchie to shirt to socks. And, true story, she went to a black hairdresser, and yup, you guessed it…got black relaxers. No joke, a white chick with a Dark & Lovely. So in essence, it appears Burke just wanted a light-skinned black girl with money! (Today, Burke is one of my very good friends, and he now co-signs this hypothesis. He also admits to liking women he can control...he now has a black fiancée, who is 6 years his junior (22)...and trapped him by getting pregnant (twice). That’s a WHOLE 'nother blog, really.)
Then there was Spence in college, who told anyone who would listen, that he was half Italian. He came to my crib one time with one of my boys, and said he hates black girls cuz their hair smells like grease (his preference was Prell).I swung my press and curl right underneath his nose and let him follow the fresh strawberry scent right to my front door.
“And what does your Nigga-talian azz smell like besides cheap weed and malt liquor?” I respond. And a hint of garlic.
Then there’s my best guy friend on earth, Big, who could only hang around our college-turned-pro athlete friends for so long before he caught the bug too. It’s to the point now where he doesn’t even spend enough time with sistas to get to know any. He’s always at this spot in White Plains, getting drunk for free, falling in love with Jessica…no, that really is her name.
Look, as an adult, it is not my business who the hell you fall in love with. You do not need to explain or justify that to anyone but your significant other. But I do take issue with the fact that as I get older, more and more guys are complaining about sistas and then claiming refuge with white girls... who are equally as dramatic. Is their drama somehow less than ours?
And why is it so appalling when a sista looks at a white boy, or even a Latino guy? Brothas are twisting their nuts dry over this Sanaa Lathan movie (rather than joining the dialogue in an intelligible manner, or simply supporting a non-violent black film).
Dudes are calling for Eve’s head.The point is, I for one am tired of the same old debate, when frankly, your love life and preferences shouldn’t even be up for discussion…
But, since SOME of you black boys looooove dragging us into the fray…TRUST, I do have some things to say on behalf of ME, one mouthy azz black girl.
Next Up in The Series: “Why Sistas Stare At You and Julie When You’re Walking Hand in Hand Through the Mall….It’s Not Cuz We’re Hating…It’ s Cuz…..”
>>*Sistas, isn't “sassy" white people's new PC for "bitch?"
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20 comments:
I am a Black male who dates across racial lines. I dated a White female once. I really dont prefer one race consciously. I think subconsciously I prefer Black women. It always seems to be Black women who I date the most. I try not to pick who I date by race. I just like a diverse group of women.
I do hate it when Black dudes will only date White girls or light skinned females. Black dudes, especially those at my school, will say things like "She too dark". It shows how much self-hate they have. Most of them play football here. So I guess they view White women as a status symbol. I don't, especially if she is ugly!! I think Black men need to get their shit together and quit hating on our women. As the saying goes "Black is beautiful!"
Very clever post. I have nothing to say. Think I said enough about this topic on my own blog..lol
Oh by the way my Boy Corporate stood me up for the Snow Flake hunt we had scheduled this evening. Instead he's hanging out with The Sista who told him to slooow down. I told him to give her another try and not over analyze what se said and just enjoy the time he spends with her.What will be will be.
Who is dude with Eve, he's one lucky dude. I ain't mad at Eve or Serena or anyone else who chooses to examine the spectrum of colors which are out there. To each his or her own. I too say it's not for me to judge who you love, but for you to love them.
Ata boy, Corporate! Slow Down chick sounds promising...so did you go to Powdervile by yourself Slisher? ;) Ya know you were one of the inspirations for this white girl series. I owe you some risiduals.
CNelly...not sure who Eve's guy is, but I received this photo in my inbox with many a vitriolic sentiment. But even I admit, this is a whole new girl...remember how rough around the edges she was in the short blond-isnt she a dyke stripper-ruff rider days? Like she never met a white guy outside of her PO. lol
Eps...break it down for me, pls...what's the response (from dudes and chicks) when you date someone who's not Black? It seems to be more and more acceptable than ever...I remember clearly when it wasnt. Thanks as always, for stopping by.
The response I got was weird. Black dudes laughed at first but they were generally ok with it. My best friend Landon would clown me for it at times. They made sarcastic comments sometimes but it was not anything angry or bitter. Black women on the other hand, they were upset. I had a friend who said she would not meet her. One young woman told me that I had betrayed my race.
Whites were a little different. Some commented to the White lady that I dated. They would tell her that she is trying too hard to be Black. They would say that she was trying to fit in with the Black since she did not have any White friends.
Overall though, people were accepting. I did not get too much grief for it. It was not neccesarily easy though. Her parents hated me.
I love it I love it I love it! I don't have anything to say either. Except that I think you did a great job of summing it all up! And I can't waith for the next post....I'll stay tuned for that one. ;)-hk
Yo Wiz, make sure you also include "Niggas Run to White Bitches Because They Resent Their Single Mommas" in the series.
Well, I have never been enamored enough to cross the lines and have never looked upon them as a status symbol (personally). As a result, like Eps said in earlier years, that "she's too dark, she' ugly/nappy headed" crap which I never bought into because I accept a wide range of beauty drove me crazy. Moreso some of those same sistas would be appreciated by others later, only to have brothas hate on them. An unfortunate circumstance I foresaw as an adolescent. Although I am accepting of love and diversity, I've narrowed it down to two churning issues I've had w/black/white dating preferences. One was what I previously mentioned as far as our skewered since of beauty and the projection of that onto our own. The other major thing that I've ran into though is when a brotha is not the normal thug achetype, not the slick playboy type, who thinks and lives somewhat diffently (i.e. healthy diet, likes sciences, ancient spiritual systems, martial arts, art period, works out like Jack Lalanne). I've seen sistas reject brothas of that ilk but take up with white guys as if brothas who do that=strange but white guys who do that=intriguing. Talk about that last part when you get a chance Sowise/Great topic. Anonymous Detroit.
I like your post....will def have to come back and read some more....
Found you through Slishy....
can i nominate some black guys to be included in the sale?!?!?! you are VERY on point with this...and if i hear another word about sanaa's movie, i'm gonna scream, especially since i've been told from the horse's mouth, ya'll have too much attitude, or i can tell becky what to do, or ya'll are mean, etc. BULLISH!!!!!! hit print, copy and pass these suckas out!!!!!!
"Brothas are twisting their nuts dry over this Sanaa Lathan movie (rather than joining the dialogue in an intelligible manner, or simply supporting a non-violent black film)."
I guess you are talking about me....lmao.
How Trev...funny thing, an editor for a black paper I write for here in the city opened a discussion to the staff once...he asked if single moms should be held responsible for the fact that so many brothas end up dead, in jail, or in dysfunctional relationships with mad baby mamas. I personally would place more responsibility on the absent fathers. But I dont think I'm prepared to go there all the way with this debate, Trev because #1 - I wasn't raised by a single mom, #2 - dudes who were, tend to be fiercely loyal to their moms, and #3 - I know quite a few single moms doing the damn thing.
But you were raised by your mom (a great one at that!)...so what say you, Hollyhood?
Detroit...you're so right, this whole thing goes really deep...and part of the reason there is so much resentment and misunderstanding, I believe, is because I dont think we're ever really willing to be honest about the symptoms. But yeah, light-skinned is still and always will be in. And black men are definitely placed into a very small, "familiar" box where even the least bit of eccentricity is considered weird.
DP...my "measured rage" was that transparent, huh? Thanks. :)
sassy is the old white people's word for bitch, too. i've been hearing both. girl you know i was gonna bring this up in my series, too. still might. i have a growing list of topics waiting to be broached. the shit is ridiculous. if a black woman were to ridicule her race, she would quickly be put on the block, like you said. the shit is ridiculous. i can't wait for the 2nd installment!! i have a lot to say on that one!!
and on this one, i've never met a black man like that (knock on wood), but i've read and heard about them. and these are the same men who ignore my friend until she's w/a white dude and then its all "what bitch we ain't good enough for you?" and *insert queen latifah* "who you callin a bitch!" the answer is no!! come correct or don't come at all.
and i am LOVING yes i said LOVING what dp said!!!!!!! that's what i'm talking about!!!!!
Thanks for stopping by, 'One Chick! I hope Slish dont come looking for a referral fee or nothin!
Miss A...you're too funny. I've been reading your spot. By all means, put them boys on blast, and I only ask for 10% of the sales. :)
SP...I wasn't calling you out specifically...unfortunately you're not the only dude I've encountered with twisted nuts over the film. But I respect you for putting yourself on blast. lol
this is a very interesting post in light of the NY Times article that dropped yesterday about the apocalyptic state of the inner-city black man. Sistas have continued to evolve. Why aren't brothas catching up? What aren't we doing or what isn't being done to help them get on the level?
Anon...that article was disturbing as hell. One of the professors cited says that $50 billion has been invested in programs and policies for women...but where the hell is the dough for the men?
Some of the stats the article stated:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/20/national/20blackmen.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin
¶The share of young black men without jobs has climbed relentlessly, with only a slight pause during the economic peak of the late 1990's. In 2000, 65 percent of black male high school dropouts in their 20's were jobless — that is, unable to find work, not seeking it or incarcerated. By 2004, the share had grown to 72 percent, compared with 34 percent of white and 19 percent of Hispanic dropouts. Even when high school graduates were included, half of black men in their 20's were jobless in 2004, up from 46 percent in 2000.
¶Incarceration rates climbed in the 1990's and reached historic highs in the past few years. In 1995, 16 percent of black men in their 20's who did not attend college were in jail or prison; by 2004, 21 percent were incarcerated. By their mid-30's, 6 in 10 black men who had dropped out of school had spent time in prison.
¶In the inner cities, more than half of all black men do not finish high school.
There are plenty of policies in which money is spent of black men. One of them is prison. I read some prophecies when I was a teenager from Noble Drew Ali that he wrote in the early 1920's. He mentioned that Moorish (black)men would be disenfranchised, then outnumbered by out women throwing the family system out of balance so much so that a child could very well go up to its mother and say "Mama, I saw a man today" At some point, it seems like the 1980's, a lot of the motivation and inspiration that young brothas had evaporated. If boys are having problems, they'll make problems for everyone else as boys, teens, then men. As I write this though, I realize that I need to do more to be a positive influence on young brothas myself. Seeing after my nephews is not enough. Anonymous Detroit.
Yes Sista!!!!!!!!!!!! PUT EM ON THE BLOCK!!!!!!!!Just last night I had a convo with my homeboy who REFUSES to support Sanaa from now one b/c she did a movie about interracial dating. Really?? Its okay for you to date/fcuk/love/creep/or any other verb with Aimee-Ann O'Goldenstein but if I look at Adam Wellington III, I'm not giving brothers a chance...you never gave me a chance because I refused to bow down to you when all I wanted to do was lift you up. You really think Becky is going to do that for you? Ooooh, I'm heated! Sell em!! For $3.29! That way I can get a value meal from BK out of it!!!
i am sooooo late to this party. "so wise" is an understatement.
brothas have dogged me up and down, yet i still haven't gone to the "lite" side. the "sistas too mouthy/sassy/funny-smellin" is just a bullshit justification for their own self-hate issues (as you stated) so i say fuck 'em. a real brotha appreciates the beauty of black women regardless of who he sleeps with.
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