What the fuck is up with weddings?!
So one of my older “brothers” got married Labor Day weekend, and if it was a nightmare for me, I can only imagine the hell they went through.
What I cant imagine, or I guess what I can’t figure out is why the hell weddings seem to bring out the absolute worst in people. People with whom you’re related, no less.
Maybe it’s the conventions that are unreasonable. Maybe it really IS too much to ask your family members to set aside their criticism and just go along with the colors you and your spouse-to-be have selected.
And like, how dare you expect your entire crew to fucking TRAVEL, since the bride to be isn’t from where you’re from.
And who in the hell decided that the groomsmen have to effing bring back their own tuxes?? I don’t care how nice of a gift (ipods) you gave their complaining asses.
The more I think about it, the more I can see how ridiculous the entire set up is. I can kinda see why the NY folks were so pissed that the hotel THEY selected cuz it was cheaper than the one recommended by the couple, was more than a few miles away.
I guess I can let slide the heckling coming from the back rows of the Catholic ceremony, cuz after all, there WAS a lot of standing and praying.
I cant blame said NYers for choosing not to mingle at the cocktail hour at the country club reception. Hell, I wanted to sit alllll the way in the corner on the balcony overlooking a fantastic golf course too, joking about us enjoying this now because it’s the last time our black asses will ever be somewhere this nice. I WANTED to, but shit, the bar and food were on the other side. And I happen to ENJOY mingling with fine folks with dough.
And not that I didn’t tip the bartenders even though the gratuities were absorbed by the couple, but I dunno, that’s the decent thing to do at an open bar. The INdecent thing would be to bitch about it not being top shelf (it was, there just wasn’t no fucking Henney, ngga).
And if a person doesn’t HAVE a credit card, then it’s useless trying to explain the concept of frequent flyer miles. So yeah, might as well hate on the honeymoon destinations of Thailand and Malaysia and simply rationalize the fact that both make at least 6 figures, and have no kids (the opposite of you).
I wont even mention the rings. Them shits WERE insane.
It’s tough when you grew up one way but elevate beyond it…but your friends and fam haven’t. It aint easy being a rock star at a rap show. A Mohawk amongst brush cuts.
And it aint easy keeping your mouth shut when you’re out of your element and asked to follow someone else’s conventions.
But for Christ sake, it’s a wedding. Shut the fuck up, clink the damn glass a few times, get out on the dance floor when you hear the Cha Cha beat drop, eat the damn cake, stop worrying bout the bill unless it’s YOUR AmEx it’s showing up on next month, get drunk, and SMILE.
Is it really that difficult?
WTF?!
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21 comments:
God dammit. People always complain. I'm a strong supporter of the throat chop because it disables the ability to speak for a minute.
my wedding was the exact opposite. i think a big problem is that people feel compelled to stick to the tradition, and in doing so, can introduce a lot of stress and drama into the situation. if you decide to do your own thing (which we did, and boy did we!) you *do* catch some hell from family traditionalists early on (especially if the person who marries you is an opera singer/dominatrix dressed up like Betty Page- but i digress...) . but when the day arrives- all that is behind and and you realized you structured the day exactly how you want it and not fifteen other people. of course that means your paying for it yourself.
LOL @ the throat chop.
I don't know what it is about weddings. Its kinda like Christmas, in that the true meaning behind it has become lost amongst the "show-and-tell" trends.
Hell, its free!! (unless you brought some money or a gift like you're "supposed" to)
Sit down, and shaddup!
W0W, I would've shut the eff up smiled drank ate danced and partied the night away because.....hello It's a freaking wedding and it's free minus my gift of course ;-)
LOL! Excellent post. People kill me being over critical about shyt. Just shut up and enjoy yourself. Dayum!
Lol, good post!
crabs in a barrel.
Amadeo...The throat chop. That's it. Problem solved. hahahaha
Oh shit Ace, you jumped the broom already? Congrats!
Bgood...exactly. I always wonder if people would be so quick to get married if there was no wedding.
Diamondz...Right?! And the sad thing is that it was SO beautiful and you could tell a lot of planning went into it.
Durt...You'd think it would be that easy, but for some reason, for some folks, at some weddings its just not.
Mystery...thanks!
Jameil...Yup. But it's also something deeper. Cuz it's almost as if this behavior is perfectly acceptable specifically at weddings. I dunno. I may need to redirect my thesis topic. lol
I say go with the throat chop too. My dad said he'd "pitch in" (yeah he made the gesture with his fingers when he said it) when we got married. And long as there was a open bar and it wasn't too long, we could do what we want.
I've decided that if anyone came to my big day bitchin', I'm gonna have some of my NFL buddies EVICT them immediately.
THIS IS MY DAY HEFFERS!!!!
Thats why I am going to have a little sit down with my family before the wedding. I will chin check them if they try to ruin my day.
i didn't know ace was married! tre presh.
n!ggas like to complain...
Thank God I will never put myself through the stress.
I can't wait to be the best man though we might outsource the planning of the bachelor party to ensure my reputation stays in tact.
Lmfao!!!! Are you sure we ain't related?
That's entirely too much extra when all anyone needs to focus on is the fact that ITS MY DAY. I'M THE BRIDE BITCHES.
Hence why if I ever choose to institutionalize myself, it'll be a destination wedding that none of my family will make it to, thus rendering it drama free for me to enjoy many, many drinks.
Many.
VDizz...Make sure you keep Daddy at his word!
Epsi...Dnt even bother. Cuz then youll just be pissed when they act an ass AFTER the talk.
Stace...Dont dey? White folk too...wait til u get married, you'll see. HAHA ;)
CNelly...Outsource the planning to me. i'll have you youngens wildin all over town!
LA...If ever you choose to institutionalize, I will get you a tshirt that says, I'M THE BRIDE BITCHES.
Destination wedding... I'm in!
Cnelly better do the planning for my bachelor party. Thats his solemn commitment as my best man: the procurement of the finest scrippers in all the land.
Yeah see...that's why we put out the SHUT THE F*CK UP UNLESS YOU HELPING PAY notice out early. That made everything else drama free.....
I have never been to any of my families weddings. Bitches ain't never sent me an invite... I get phone calls. How the hell am I gonna remember someones wedding if it's not written on an invite taped to my front door for me to see every morning as I leave for work????
Open bar you say? Niiiice looking out on Broham's side. Henny? damn you...told you about drinking that black man drink! Single men? I think I would have like the wedding....
Epsi..Dare you even put that kind of pressure on the man! *giving CNelly the 'call me' sign*
Fresh says..."SHUT THE F*CK UP UNLESS YOU HELPING PAY"
Not that I wouldnt cash they (prolly hot) checks, but even then Id have a hard time listening. lol
Blah...The day I sit around in a hot lil black number, with free alcoholic finery at my disposal...and I fix my mouth to ask for a HENNEY...is the day I stop drinkin. And I aint nowhere near no wagon, u know that.
The ONLY thing wrong with this wedding was that there were exactly NO single men there. A wedding's no place for a single girl, i tell ya!
This is why I plan to ELOPE. Courthouse all the way, baby!
Seriously? Your post just described my family. I love them to bits, but they are a little on the ghetto side. I distinctly remember my sister bitching about my cousin's wedding because she couldn't bring her (17-year-old!) son with her! Did I mention she asked a week before the wedding? I had another sister come to the same wedding reception (missed the entire ceremony)straight from work....in jeans! I love them, but I'd have to go Bridezilla on their asses quick!
Wise...it SUCKS to have be single and have no single men at a wedding! I went to a wedding recently where I actually had a date, but he was in the wedding party, so we seated away from each other. You should have SEEN the looks I received from other people at the table! They looked at me with sooo much pity, it was sad! One guy even tried to give me a pep talk! "It's okay, it will happen for you one day..." HAAAA!!! So damn funny!
xoxo....chanel
Wow....my fiance and I have gone through a bit of this already. However, we solve the problem...one of our groomsmen is designated as the "fixer" so to speak. IF anybody shows their natural a$$ at the wedding, we give the "secret signal," and POOF! the offending guest will "disappear with help."
We had joked about it, but now that I think about it some more...hmmmmmmmmm...
Preach the gospel!!!
I was just at a wedding this weekend. It was so lovely, but people always gotta find something wrong or negative to say. WHYY!!!!
Approx, eight hours of complaining I endured. But what really killed it for me was when someone told me that all that "negativity" is to be expected at those types of events b/c of all the different groups of people you bring together and just deal wit it. That is unacceptable in my book.
Im just so glad someone else, feels my pain.
Oh happy day :-)
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